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Dick Head Interviews

In His Bad Books

In His Bad Books

Friday 3 November, 2017
Celebrated Canberra correspondent Dick Head interviews Kevin Rudd on whether it’s him that’s Not For The Faint-Hearted or his book.
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The Dick Head Interview With Kevin Rudd

Celebrated Canberra correspondent Dick Head interviews Kevin Rudd on whether it’s him that’s Not For The Faint-Hearted or his book.

“Look Kevin” said Dick engagingly “having read your book I’m still not clear whether the problem was that people couldn’t understand your genius or that they understood it only too well and panicked”

“The trouble was” explained Kevin “that I came along in an era where everyone else was a political pygmy who lacked the intellectual stature to work with a political giant like me”

“But surely John Howard was a politician of stature” Dick reminded him

“It’s true he would have made an outstanding principal at a primary school” conceded Kevin “but in political terms he was a fourth grader while I was a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford”

“Then how did a politician of your class manage to stuff up Pink Batts so badly?” asked Dick

“Well I opened the batting brilliantly” claimed Kevin “but the problem was people lower down the order like Peter Garrett didn’t even know which end to hold a batt”

“I see you’re quite critical of Wayne Swan in the book” commented Dick

“Making him Treasurer was the worst mistake of my career” opined Kevin “he confused the GFC with the GST and thought we could fix the economy by increasing it to 15%”

“Wasn’t the NBN your idea?” asked Dick

“It was indeed the product of my genius” concurred Kevin “and nothing illustrates more clearly the huge gap between me and ordinary politicians. It’s so distressing that my grand vision has been reduced by pissants like Conroy and Turnbull to the speed of a 1930s telephone exchange”

“What were your greatest achievements as PM?” asked Dick

“It’s difficult to pick from so many” responded Kevin “but finally delivering the country from Gillard, Bob Brown, Windsor and Oakeshott was actually a bigger moral challenge than climate change”

“How would you characterise the relationship between you and Julia?” asked Dick probingly

“It was the classic struggle” declared Kevin “between good and evil, Right and Left, business and unionism, face and facelessness, cock and roosters, First Knight and First Bloke”

“Did you make any more mistakes as PM besides Wayne?” asked Dick

“I made the incorrect assumption that Kevin 07 would become an annual event” confessed Kevin

“Why did you call your book Not ForThe Faint-hearted?” asked Dick

“Because it’s not suitable reading” replied Kevin “for Latham, Swan, Gillard, Smith, Abbott, Howard or Conroy”

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About this Series
Dick’s outstanding career in political journalism owes much to recent advances in psychiatric treatment. In his role as a leading Canberra correspondent Dick enjoys an especially close rapport with all the leading politicians and the loony left because he’s met them all at the treatment centre.

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