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A Hole Comments

In The Know

In The Know

Friday 5 June, 2015
A Hole Australia’s most anal social commentator, assesses merit of a Don’t Know political party following polls showing that it would receive strong support
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A Hole Comments on FridayMash

There is a growing section of the Australian electorate whose political needs are being totally ignored. I am referring of course to the Don’t Knows.

The Don’t Knows feature in significant numbers in virtually every poll but incredible as it may seem there is no political party in Australia or anywhere in the world with policies that respond to the views of this vibrant sector of the electorate.

The Greens are arguably the party whose policies come closest but the trouble is they seem completely unable to recognise the reality that they are in fact Don’t Knows.

Actually there are quite a number of politicians in all parties who Don’t Know but sadly all of them go to great lengths to try and convince people that they do. They seem to believe that if they come out as Don’t Knows people wouldn’t vote for them despite ample evidence to the contrary in the polls.

Distinguished commentators like myself have been aware of this growing trend in the electorate for some time and believe it is a reaction against clueless politicians perpetually presenting themselves as a bunch of bumptious know-alls.

In the recent UK election the polls showed the Don’t Knows were at 25%. This represents an enormous opportunity because no political party in history has ever started out with support at that level.

Of course the douchebags who are chronically unable to comprehend this irresistible tsunami of change in political attitudes claim that a Don’t Know party would comprise a cacophony of useless nilhilists. Of course nothing could be further from the truth.

The Don’t Know Party wouldn’t be against the policies of other parties, they simply wouldn’t know whether or not they were in favour of them. Therefore the critical policy differences would be in the increasingly popular yet vital policy areas of delay and procrastination.

The main appeal of the Party however would be its refreshing candour. Instead of politicians bluffing and bloviating their way through interviews just imagine the admiration and respect flowing to those who readily admit they Don’t Know.

Despite this exciting surge of momentum incredibly it’s still uncertain whether a Don’t Know Party will be formed in the foreseeable future.

Many politicians who hold the Don’t Know philosophy at the very core of their political beliefs still don’t Don’t Know whether they should take the plunge and stop behaving like know-alls.

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About this Series
As one of Australia’s leading social commentators A Hole is always conscious of the need to avoid making an arse of himself. His commentaries are frequently compared to the material on the walls of public toilets although they don’t remain in the public consciousness anything like as long.

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