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The Pudding Club Pontifications

Ins and Outs of Brexit

Ins and Outs of Brexit

Friday 29 December, 2017
Pudding Club members discuss how far the UK should go in Brexiting the EU even if it means widening the English Channel.
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Pudding Club members discuss how far the UK should go in Brexiting the EU even if it means widening the English Channel.

Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera thoroughly enjoyed Christmas Lunch at the Club last week because it was a turkey-free repast comprising Roast Beef with Club Yorkshire Pudding, Club Christmas Pudding and an absolutely glorious Nuits St Georges 1993.

“I say“ said His Lordship “it looks like Theresa’s finally making a fist of Brexit”

“I wouldn’t go that far” asserted the General “everyone knows the woman is a closet Remainer. I still believe that Parliament will reject her final Brexit terms and we shall have to follow Catalonia’s lead and declare independence”

“My dear fellow” said Sir Rah soothingly “whatever transpires, whether hard or soft, the fact is our future is inevitably linked with the EU as surely as you are linked with your paramour in Paris”

“The difference is that I favour a hard Brexit from the EU” explained the General “but I shall Brexit my Parisian paramour only when things have gone decidedly soft”

“Do you consider that Theresa can survive a Brexit as PM?” asked His Lordship

“She’s got no chance” claimed Sir Rah “by the time Brexit happens everyone will have finally realised what a braindead idea it is and they’ll blame her”

“On the contrary” responded the General “I’m certain she’ll get chucked out for agreeing a soft Brexit which will simply mean we go on paying for Greek bailouts without getting any cheap French plonk or BMWs in return”

“But if Theresa agrees a Brexit which results in us becoming closer to Trump than Europe” argued Sir Rah “it would pave the way for Russia to mount a campaign to get Nigel elected as PM supported by Julian Assange as his deputy based in the Ecuadorian Embassy”

“But isn’t Assange an Aussie?” asked His Lordship

“Yes but who cares” commented Sir Rah “we’ve already got Aussies coaching the national cricket, rugby and rugby league teams so an Aussie Deputy PM is just a logical next step”

“What would happen if Brexit turned out to be so soft that no-one noticed any difference?” asked His Lordship

“I think it would be such a massive relief” opined Sir Rah “to everyone except Boris and Nigel that Theresa would achieve national hero status and become the main character in a film epic called ‘Brexit’ starring Meryl Streep”

“At a time when the country is seeking new hope and inspiration” said the General animatedly “what could be more uplifting than the prospect of Brexit plus that divine Markle creature marrying into the Royal Family?”

“Nothing really” responded Sir Rah “except perhaps the prospect of Kevin Spacey getting a gong in the New Year’s Honours List”

 

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About this Series
Located on the fashionable side of Pall Mall the Club is famous for counting some of the UK’s greatest political intellects among its members. Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera convene there regularly to create the brilliant insights which David relies on so much to keep the ship of state on course.

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