Leaks from Tony’s Journal

One morning last week Joe came into my office in a terrible lather.

“Look” he said “I think I’ve really screwed up again”

I must say that apart from the odd disastrous budget Joe is a pretty reliable sort of a bloke. Although come to think of it I have also noticed a growing tendency to come out with the sort of comment that instantly negates a post-budget jump in approval ratings.

“All right” I said apprehensively “what have you done this time?”

“I merely stated” replied Joe “that the best way to go about buying a house is to get a job with a good salary”

Thanks to a superhuman surge of self-control I managed to desist from chucking my prized portrait of Bob Menzies at him.

“Oh no” I moaned “you dumb-arsed dropkick. Don’t you realise this is still the age of entitlement. People resent being told they need money before they can buy a house. Your last bon mot about old people not driving cars was a papal parable compared to this”

“What do you want me to do?” asked Joe

“Whatever you do” I replied “do not repeat in public your politically incorrect comment to me about gay marriage being mono-sexual”

Because I’m becoming more discreet these days I didn’t mention his gaffe about the GST on tampons in case we got into a convoluted discussion about how long is a piece of string.

“I am worried about rumours that we’ve been making payments to people smugglers” said Joe “because I didn’t make any provision for them in the budget”

Sometimes I do wonder about Joe but it soon passes when I reflect that if he goes there is nobody else around I could appoint as Treasurer who would be happy to pursue my catholic pass-the-plate-round for the PM approach to running the economy.

I don’t know whether it’s become widely recognised as yet but I’ve recently allowed Peta to start coming out in public again.

She’s preparing to take on a critical anti-terrorism assignment. Anyone suspected by Peter Dutton of being a terrorist will get an immediate visit from Peta who will tear up their Aussie passport and issue them with a replacement from the Islamic State.

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