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A Hole Comments

It’s Still the Economy Stupid

It’s Still the Economy Stupid

Friday 31 July, 2015
Dick Head, the doyen of Canberra correspondents, has filed this definitive analysis of the Labor Party Conference. He believes the key issues debated at the Conference were whether asylum seeker boats should go backwards or forwards and whether the Labor ship should go Left or Right.
The story starts here...

Dick Head Reports on FridayMash

The Dick Head Report

On The Labor Party Conference

Bill managed to turn round Labor policy on turning back the boats and really turned off Albo and the Left. The measure was only agreed “where it’s safe to do so” and leaves open the option that the sea between Australia and Indonesia is not safe enough.

After a titanic tussle with Tanya it was agreed that the Parliamentary Labor Party could use their conscience in relation to gay marriage until 2019 but from that point it would be obligatory. Bill did not make it clear whether gay marriage would be obligatory for all Australians.

Arguably Bill’s greatest achievement was persuading the unions that the nation’s electricity supply should comprise 50% renewables by 2030 despite the fact this would cause decimation of the coal industry, the loss of thousands of jobs and huge electricity price hikes while admittedly doing wonders for candle manufacturers.

He boldly promised that his ETS was not a carbon tax just like Julia promised she wouldn’t have one. The country however can absolutely believe the promise it would have a similar effect on electricity prices.

Seven months into his Year of Ideas Bill doesn’t seem to have a clue about the biggest problem facing the country, the economy.

It was disappointing that no-one at the conference stated the bleedin’ obvious that turning back the boats, gay marriage, 50% renewables and an ETS would not only have no beneficial effect whatsoever on the quest for a budget surplus but would actually tend to stuff it.

Anything that looked remotely likely to improve the economy like free trade agreements and increasing the rate of GST were condemned by the unions as in the same category as Coalition budgets.

Bill can’t seem to grasp that applying union policies to the Australian economy is like granting the Greek government a contract to manage it.

He emerged from the conference with his leadership intact but the stress of lurching to the Left and Right simultaneously looks likely to cause a rear end split in his base.

He is confident however that his environmental policies will attract support from the Greens which will of course be a sure sign that he’s on the wrong track.

Julia and Kevin must have been thrilled at how much their legacies were embraced by the Conference. Those who were hoping it would provide direction to a prosperous economic future had to be content with a vision of Bill fiddling away at a Nero impersonation.


About this Series
As one of Australia’s leading social commentators A Hole is always conscious of the need to avoid making an arse of himself. His commentaries are frequently compared to the material on the walls of public toilets although they don’t remain in the public consciousness anything like as long.

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