Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Ivanka’s No Wanker

Ivanka’s No Wanker

Friday 24 February, 2017
Trump and his team take urgent action to prevent Ivanka’s fashion range going the same way as Mike Flynn.
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Trump and his team take urgent action to prevent Ivanka’s fashion range going the same way as Mike Flynn.

 “It’s an absolute outrage” thundered Trump at a meeting of his inner circle last week “how dare Nordstrom delist Ivanka’s fabulous fashion range”

“Perhaps it wasn’t selling well” suggested Reince

“Nonsense, Ivanka’s range comprises the most stylish, exciting and sexiest fashions in the world today, it really does” explained Trump “the delisting was purely a political decision by West Coast lefties because they were embarrassed by how well it was selling”

“Would you like me to do another commercial for the range” asked Kellyanne “during my next interview?”

“Good idea” pronounced Trump “and in future make sure you always wear Ivanka’s gear in public even for doing the gardening. The question is what action should we take in response to this outrage?”

“We should order an immediate military shake-down of all Nordstrom stores” opined Steve “to check whether they’re employing illegal immigrants or terrorists”

“And if you got Sean Spicer to do an ad for Ivanka during a White House press conference” suggested Kellyanne “I’m sure it would getrepeated on Saturday Night Live”

“Why don’t you make Ivanka your Secretary of Fashion?” asked Reince “then  delisting her range could probably be condemned as a treasonable offence”

“I think we should use maximum prejudice against Nordstrom” announced Steve “even to the degree of sending a pack of dogs into each of their stores to crap over everything”

“Right on Stevo” bellowed Trump “but I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to sign an executive order placing on record that it’s all a plot hatched by the Clintons to make Ivanka look unfashionable and replace her range with Hillary haute couture made in China”

“This is outright war” declared Steve “we must immediately ban anyone watching CNN in Trump hotels and pack Nordstrom stores with people demanding to buy Ivanka’s fashions”

“And we should immediately instruct the IRS” insisted Reince “to accept all expenditure on Ivanka’s fashion range as a tax deduction and instruct ICE that any illegal immigrant caught wearing an Ivanka outfit should immediately be granted citizenship”

“Looks like we’ve come up with another great plan for Making America Grate Again” declared Trump “What a fine-tuned machine, no wonder people are already beginning to call me the greatest President ever”


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