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Jacqui for PM

Jacqui for PM

Friday 6 February, 2015
Jacqui’s Think Tank convened this week at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston. Nazel Hare, Randy Mayle and Professor Penny Wise sensed the time had come for Jacqui to snatch the PMship from the ailing arsehole Abbott.
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Jacqui Lambie Think Tank masthead
‘Well Abbott’s stuffed’ said Nazel ‘fancy gonging Philip on Australia Day. He needs another title like Clive needs a second lunch’

‘It’s an absolute disgrace’ said Jacqui ‘if I couldn’t run the country better than that I’d give up politics and rejoin the PUP’

‘Abbott’s days are numbered’ said Nazel ‘it’s time to crank up our ‘Jacqui for PM’ campaign’

‘Before we all get carried away’ said Penny ‘we have to accept that it will be extremely difficult for Jacqui to become PM as an independent. There’s also the further major problem that she’s a member of the Senate rather than the House of Reps’

‘Jacqui’s got charisma and sex appeal’ said Randy ‘those are powerful assets because no-one else in parliament has got them although I quite fancy Kate Ellis sometimes’

‘How would you compare my charisma and sex appeal with Kylie Minogue?’ asked Jacqui

‘That’s a fascinating comparison’ replied Randy ’she wouldn’t make anything like as good a PM as you but offers far greater potential for a dirty weekend’

‘When Abbott gets axed’ said Nazel ‘who the hell are the Coalition going to turn to? Malcolm’s too far up himself to share the love and the Coalition aren’t likely to turn to a woman like Julie after the way they’ve been run by Peta Credlin

‘The PM gig is crying out for someone like me who’s a dinky-di Aussie genius’ said Jacqui ‘Clive can’t see further than the end of his stomach and if Bill Shorten is what we need to lead us to the promised land no wonder so many people are atheists’

‘You’re a stand out Jacqui’ said Randy ‘you could become the Ana Palaszczuk of federal politics and I fancy you heaps more than her’

‘Ok’ said Nazel ‘here’s the plan. I’ll carry out a poll in Burnie showing Jacqui has a fifty point lead over Abbott as preferred prime minister’

‘Brilliant’ said Jacqui

‘Then I’ll persuade Bill Clinton’ said Nazel ‘to say that he fancies you as PM’

‘Would he really do that?’ asked Jacqui

‘Of course’ replied Nazel ‘you’re a woman aren’t you, he’d fancy you whatever you were doing’

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About this Series
Friday Mash has gained exclusive access to the intellectual powerhouse behind the Lambie political phenomenon. Jacqui has assembled a Think Tank comprising the best minds in Tasmania. Nazel Hare is Jacqui’s campaign manager and President of the Lambie for PM Movement, Randy Mayle is the leader of the Tasmanics a star-studded group of star studs and Professor Penny Wise is the Head of Business Studies at Burnie University. The Think Tank meets regularly at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston and Friday Mash will bring you regular reports of their intellectual discourse.

View all articles in the The Lambie Think Tank Series
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