Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Dirty Deeds of
Jacqui and Clive

Jacqui Raids Clive

Jacqui Raids Clive

Friday 28 November, 2014
Read about another split occurring in PUP besides the one up the back of Clive’s trousers.
The story starts here...


Clive was at his desk in Parliament House plotting how to gain the balance of power in Victoria when Jacqui burst through the door.

‘This is a raid’ she announced

‘What the hell are you talking about’ protested Clive ‘we’re a team who do raids together’

‘Not any more’ said Jacqui ‘not after you refused to support my campaigns to get a decent pay increase for the armed forces and get appointed as prime minister’

‘There’s no bloody way you’d ever become prime minister’ said Clive ‘because it would be as mind-numbing as putting Sarah Hanson Young in charge of Operations Sovereign Borders’

‘If you ever became prime minister’ said Jacqui ‘it would be like giving Putin the Nobel Peace Prize’

‘The trouble with you Jacqui’ said Clive ‘is that every time you try to think for yourself the extra workload causes your brain to malfunction. I do all the strategic thinking for PUP and your role is to go round abusing people like Abbott who refuse to recognise my obvious genius’

‘That’s rabid reticulated ratshit’ commented Jacqui ‘the only person in Australia who appreciates your genius is you while on the other hand ninety-nine point nine percent of the population think you’re litigious, hilarious and nefarious but hardly genius’

‘Just because I’m the leader of PUP’ said Clive ‘doesn’t mean I’m obliged to put up with a bitch like you’

‘The main body of the party’ said Jacqui ‘support me as leader rather than you’

‘I’m the main body of the party’ said Clive

‘No you’re the largest body’ said Jacqui

‘Look Jacqui’ said Clive ‘if you don’t stop behaving like Christine Milne down at a power station protest I shall have to expel you from the party just like I did with your chief of staff’

‘Get stuffed’ cried Jacqui ‘you’re just as bad as Abbott’

‘Well at least’ said Clive ‘you’ve finally acknowledged my prime ministerial pedigree. It’s my way or the highway’

‘Yes I know’ said Jaqui ‘but it’s the highway to my way’


About this Series
This daring duo continue to carry out a series of daring raids and hold-ups on their political opponents. Clive is the brains behind this rip-roaring rampage as well as supplying the money and adding weight to its operations. Jacqui adds a certain je ne sais quoi but nobody knows what it is.

View all articles in the Misadventures of Jacqui and Clive Series
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