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Buzz from Fly on the Wall

Job Reference

Job Reference

Friday 5 August, 2016
Guy the Friday Mash Superfly was on a wall in Malcolm’s office when Barnaby and Julie came in to discuss whether the government should nominate Kevin for the UN Secretary General’s gig. He has just buzzed in to the Friday Mash office with his exclusive account of the meeting.
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Guy the FridayMash Superfly

“Look” said Julie “we’ve got to put aside our personal prejudice about Kevin being a neurotic nerd and all that and nominate him for the job. I know he’s a congenital control freak but he’s our congenital control freak”

“But Kristina’s right” asserted Barnaby “the guy is a dead-set psychopathic narcissist. Carrying the responsibility for letting a guy like that loose on the world would be as dire as copping the blame for putting the Shooters Party in charge of Taronga Zoo”

“What we have to keep in mind” said Malcolm thoughtfully “is that Kevin is highly respected in international circles”

“He’s fine as long as he keeps moving” explained Barnaby “it’s only when he stays in the same place for any length of time that it becomes apparent everyone would be a lot better off if he moved on”

“If Kevin landed the UN gig” opined Malcolm “there is absolutely no question whatsoever that Australia’s international profile would benefit considerably”

“That is absolutely so true” confirmed Julie “it would demonstrate to the world that we are the equal of the US in producing powerful control-freak politicians”

“But what if Kevin goes and stuffs it” demanded Barnaby “our reputation at the UN would fall so far down the tubes they’d never provide us with jobs to unload people like Tony Abbott”

Bill Shorten is strongly urging me to nominate Kevin” commented Malcolm

“But if he turned out to be a lemon of a UN Secretary General” queried Barnaby “would Bill be prepared to stab him again?”

“I also have to keep in mind” explained Malcolm “that I didn’t give Tony a cabinet gig so if I then go and nominate Kevin the Right of our Party would be really pissed”

“If you nominated Tony” explained Julie “the whole world would be pissed”

“Let me put it this way” said Barnaby “I wouldn’t give Kevin a job as a seat-warmer even if his arse was on fire”

“I can’t help feeling that the question of whether we should nominate Kevin” concluded Malcolm “is one of the greatest moral challenges of our time”


About this Series
Having stuck with a fly paper for many years Guy has become a celebrated political reporter through his unique ability to locate himself on the walls the prominent and powerful and listen in to their conversations. He is always careful to take with him a fly-spray early warning detector.

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