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Joyce dips to cannibalism, editor crushes kid, US states sue US Gov over transgender bathroom plan

Joyce dips to cannibalism, editor crushes kid, US states sue US Gov over transgender bathroom plan

Friday 27 May, 2016
Top o’ the morning. What happened while you were asleep? Well, Barnaby Joyce threatened cannibalism and the US sued itself. Standard.
The story starts here...

Barnaby Joyce plans to save dairy farmers, eat Johnny Depp’s liver.

What an evening for our deputy Prime Minister. At last night’s barn burner/sheep dip/Regional Debate, he filled in everyone’s political bingo card with the rarest of trifectas (animal cruelty, the battlers, the boats), claiming that he’ll save the dairy farmers, while claiming that Indonesia felled us with asylum seekers in response to the live export ban.

Fun fun. But not stopping there, Joyce responded to the Depps that Johnny went to (claiming that one of his parents was a vegetable), by claiming that he was, in fact, Hannibal Lecter.

An ageing Hollywood star once tried to test me. I ate his dog’s liver with a nice VB.

Quid pro quo, Johnny.


Editor crushes tween’s prose, and rightfully so.

As an Editor, and a casual fan of children, I cackled at this story on Twitter. Not because it was funny. It isn’t. But because someone did their job. A 9-year old’s winding prose was ruthlessly scythed by the hand of the person who made the corrections, and rightfully so. The narrative lacked heart.


11 states call the lawyers over Obama-led transgender bathroom push, the rest of the world’s tongue collectively clicks.

Legal action. The most American thing since xenophobia and Chevrolet (now manufactured overseas). Lead by Texas (because of course; just simply because, of course), the action was filed against the government, claiming that “executive action” was being taken (but not the pulse of the people, when deciding on this route).

Filling this legal loophole with prejudices are Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, West Virginia and Wisconsin – as well as the governor of Maine, the Arizona Department of Education; and school districts in Arizona and Texas.

You see, this is why we can’t get along.


Boring blockbusters hit the Twitterplex, audience goes mad with apathy

The humble blockbuster. Say what you will about their lack of deep subtextual merit or failings to mine the barbed rubies of the human condition, at least they’re not boring. Well, sort of. As in, not really, as in, no longer.

After the venomous twisting adder named Twitter birthed the horrible hashtag#boringblockbusters, the blockbuster was no more. Señor Spielbergo would be spinning in his grave.

PS. I’m sick of typing “blockbuster.” The word no longer makes sense.



NSW Origin team announced, ABC opt for iPhone note option.

With the closest thing we’ll ever have to a Civil War (The State of Oranges) around the corner, the NSW coach named the combatants who would nobly represent our state by loading up on (sponsored) beer from Victoria and knocking someone’s teeth in from Queensland.

What a grand tradition. A brilliant, low rent carpark punch up where no-one is quite sure how it started, how it got so bad and how it will end.

Either or, we footy fans love us some simple pleasures.

The ABC knows this, they know the sport and thusly, they know us. Enjoy the teamsheet launched into cyberspace by ABC Grandstand. No frills, gets the job done.

You ripper.

Catch ya, champions.


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