The Kevin and Julia Syndrome
Fred Plodge, the leader-elect of the public bar political party, describes the challenges he faces in planning the party’s future particularly from Pauline.
Over recent months I have had a number of intense political discourses with Pauline.
Buoyed by pervasive populist momentum she’s now so confident of success in the WA and Queensland state elections she’s currently wrestling with the dilemma of whether to become premier in one state or both.
Pauline is also keenly aware of a couple of things. Her candidates are largely public bar patrons and there’s a real danger of them switching to the Public Bar Party once I launch it. She knows that people who drink together are in public bar politics together.
So obviously she’s sussed that her future lies in my hands. She’s desperate for a union with me of a political nature and who knows what else. She’s offered me all sorts of things in return for a coalition between our two parties; deputy leadership of a coalition, a Royal Commission into beer prices and a choice between Treasurer or Foreign Minister when she wins government.
A dirty weekend isn’t on the table yet but I sense it’s only a matter of time if I play hard to get.
This is of course a very difficult decision for me. For example public bars right across Australia depend heavily on Asians for their culture and beer consumption and they certainly don’t have a thirst for the policies of Pauline. Muslims thank goodness present no such dilemma.
Whilst it’s true there is strong support for Pauline amongst a certain type of public bar patron I’ve noticed it depends heavily on the prior consumption of copious amounts of alcohol. I’m worried that if they turned up to vote stone cold sober even Malcolm or Bill could seem like a better option.
I’ve no doubt whatsoever that all public bar patrons would support our new party whether drunk, sober or absolutely paralytic and that’s a critical difference.
On the other hand Pauline wants to make Australia great again and that strikes a chord with me and my drinking mates because we’re concerned about the character of Australian public bars being eroded through the invasion of too many refugee lagers from overseas.
Pauline and I are committed to continuing our exploratory discussions which could lead not only to fundamental change in Australian politics but also to my becoming a partner in a fish and chip business.
I’m convinced however that if a coalition does eventuate I’ll be the leader rather than Pauline. In public bar political polling she only rates a midi while I’m much more of a schooner.