Leaks from Tony’s Journal
Many people still believe that any fool can produce a good budget despite ample evidence to the contrary from Wayne Swan.
However as clearly shown by leading budgeteers like Peter Costello and myself it requires a set of sophisticated skills enjoyed by few.
There are basically two ways to construct a budget. The option more favoured by economists is to set spending at a lower level than revenue thereby producing a surplus. The other the option favoured by Labor is to spend as much as necessary to stay in government and hope that revenue will miraculously catch up.
It’s true that as Treasurer of the Vatican George Pell employs a third method, the power of prayer. I am however discounting that model as a possibility for a Treasurer like Joe because he simply doesn’t have the contacts.
When a Coalition government comes to power its first task is invariably to clean up the budget mess left by the previous Labor government, who have obviously been such depraved douchebags that even reckless irresponsible spending couldn’t save them.
In the past Coalition governments have succeeded in wiping out accrued Labor debt in their first term. However thanks to Wayne’s unusually persistent pursuit of debt and the economically illiterate obstinacy in the Senate we’ve been thwarted in our attempts to bury the corpses of Labor’s surpluses which were all pronounced deficits on arrival.
I’ve been faced with the diabolical dilemma of a debt-dedicated Labor Party refusing to pass through the Senate a budget that was specifically designed to deliver the country from their debt-fuelled depravities.
Luckily my inspired budgeting genius came to the rescue. I realised that the public are no longer impressed by the concept of fiscal integrity and “entitlement” has replaced “surplus” as the new “bon mot” of budgets.
So this year I got Joe to craft a non-crisis budget to start getting things back on track. Then in 2016 I’m planning an election budget which will splurge my way to victory a few months later.
By the time the 2019 election comes along thanks to my extreme left-wing economic policies the budget will be so deep in debt that Labor will win but will have no alternative but to bring down a series of crisis budgets in order to produce a surplus. Of course the Coalition will vigorously oppose them as being unfair to the rich, the superannuated and the climate sceptics.
So when the next Coalition government comes to power they’ll take over a budget in surplus and the real genius of my budget strategy will be fulfilled. My promise of a budget surplus by 2025 will have been realised without any unfairness on my part whatsoever.