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The Pudding Club Pontifications

The Labour Leadership Oxymoron

The Labour Leadership Oxymoron

Friday 29 July, 2016
Pudding Club members discuss the future outlook for Labor Party Leadership and conclude the optimum strategy would be to declare the position redundant.
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The Pudding Club section Friday Mash.com

Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera marked the delayed onset of Summer last week by partaking of a smoked salmon salad lunch and a quite heavenly 2010 Philippe Foreau Vouvray.

“I say” said His Lordship “Theresa’s certainly bolted out of the blocks

“Damned fine woman” pronounced the General “it’s even possible I’ll get as big a crush on her as Maggie. She reminds me of a lovely little filly I used to know at Sandhurst who went on to run the finest bordello in Brighton”

“Mind you” commented Sir Rah “she isn’t facing any serious opposition from Labour”

“The current parliamentary Labour Party” asserted His Lordship “is the biggest load of political plonkers, pikers and pissants I’ve ever seen at Westminster”

“I’m absolutely convinced” said the General convincingly “that Corbyn is a Russian sleeper agent who was activated after sleeping on the backbench for thirty-odd years. I’m expecting to wake up one morning and find he’s done a Kim Philby flit to Moscow and is having a leak with Edward Snowden”

“The problem with Labour” insisted His Lordship “is that they’re chronically unable to choose credible party leaders. You wouldn’t even appoint the Labour rank and file to elect a village idiot let alone a potential prime minister”

Tony Blair turned out to be a George W Bush groupie” opined Sir Rah “Gordon Brown was a bigger financial disaster than Brexit, Ed turned out to be the runt of the Miliband litter and Corbyn was chosen because he couldn’t possibly be any worse but unfortunately he is”

“I would be a real hoot if Corbyn is re-elected as leader” asserted His Lordship “because the Labour Party would be reduced to forty MPs and the other one hundred and seventy non-communist MPs would become Lib Dems or something equally harmless”

“Serves them right” cried the General “it means that Theresa will carry all before her and we’ll summon the resolve to hang on to Gibraltar and the Falklands and tell those wankers in Brussels where they can stick their refugees”

“Are you happy” asked Sir Rah “with the appointment of Boris as Foreign Secretary?”

“Couldn’t be more delighted” replied the General “Theresa obviously realised she needed the reassurance of someone from Eton in a senior cabinet role”

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About this Series
Located on the fashionable side of Pall Mall the Club is famous for counting some of the UK’s greatest political intellects among its members. Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera convene there regularly to create the brilliant insights which David relies on so much to keep the ship of state on course.

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