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The Pudding Club Pontifications

Labour Pains AGAIN

Labour Pains AGAIN

Friday 11 September, 2015
Pudding Club members discuss the possibility of Jeremy Corbyn becoming prime minister and whether that could mean there wouldn’t always be an England.
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The Pudding Club section Friday

Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera fortified themselves at the Club last week against the onset of another English Winter with steak and kidney pudding and a robust Rioja red.

“I say” said His Lordship “can you imagine what the UK would be like if that Bolshevik bounder Corbyn ever became PM”

“It hardly bears thinking about” said the General “he’s such a tendentious little toe-rag. The first thing he would do is force Eton to go comprehensive and decree that The Pudding Club should run Happy Hour piss-ups for the proletariat”

“It would be the end of the Royal Family” commented Sir Rah “the Queen would have to get a hosting job on the MS Queen Elizabeth because her home would be requisitioned as the Palace Polytechnic specialising in the teachings of Mao

“Corbyn might even bring back conscription” said the General “to raise a force to fight alongside the Russian rebels in in Eastern Ukraine”

“And of course it would be the end of our special relationship with the US” said His Lordship “to be replaced by gay marriage with North Korea. It would all be hilarious if it wasn’t so damned tragic. This is the sort of mess you get into when treat Labour Party and union members democratically. Every government they’ve ever voted into office has been an absolute disaster”

“On the other hand” said Sir Rah “Corbyn’s election to the Labour leadership could be awfully good news for David. To have a Hamas supporter as opposition leader would be like playing an Ashes series with Kylie Minogue as the Australian captain”

“I thought Miliband was bad enough” remarked His Lordship “but this Corbyn cove is so far to the left he’s more of a revulsion than a revolution”

“He’s a threat to English civilisation as we know it’ pronounced the General

“he’s even anti-war for heavens sake. If he scraps the army and the House of Lords there goes my future as well as my past”

“All is not lost dear boy” said His Lordship “I understand Corbyn has pledged to stay out of people’s bedrooms”

“I’m not surprised” commented the General “I can’t possibly imagine anyone ever wanting to share one with him”

“I see Corbyn’s main economic policy is to print lots of money” said Sir Rah

“and hand it to the poor”

“Well that’s a good idea” said the General “they’d enjoy playing monopoly”


About this Series
Located on the fashionable side of Pall Mall the Club is famous for counting some of the UK’s greatest political intellects among its members. Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera convene there regularly to create the brilliant insights which David relies on so much to keep the ship of state on course.

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