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The Pudding Club Pontifications

Lacking a Left Lead

Lacking a Left Lead

Friday 7 August, 2015
Pudding Club members assess the relative merits of the Labour leadership candidates and are disappointed to find that Lord Sewel isn’t among them.
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The Pudding Club section Friday Mash.com

Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera lunched at the Club this week on lamb roast and a wonderfully robust Gigondas.

“I say” said His Lordship “this Sewel caper is a bit much. I got a memo from him recently urging me to strive for higher standards of propriety in the Lords”

“I take it you replied with one urging him to strive for lower ones in Dolphin Square” responded the General “A crass fellow like that gives political orgies a bad name”

“It’s a pity Sewel isn’t a candidate for the Labour leadership” said Sir Rah “he’d obviously be in with a sniff”

“Very droll” commented His Lordship “although I couldn’t be more thrilled that a loony lefty like Corbyn is in the lead. If he becomes leader Labour would lose at least 100 seats at the next election”

“The fellow’s an absolute tosser” said the General “like Gordon Brown on steroids. If he ever became Prime Minister the EU would be on their knees begging us to leave”

“I thought that Burnham chap was supposed to win” said Sir Rah “The unions don’t like him” said His Lordship “because they believe he’d beat around the Bush like Blair”

“The unions are frustrated” said Sir Rah “because before the election they were anticipating a Miliband-Sturgeon led crusade to a high-wage, high entitlement, early-retirement, low tax, carbon neutral lemming economy charging headlong towards the nearest fiscal cliff.”

“If Corbyn got the Labour gig” said the General “he would certainly pursue a policy of economic extinction but by that time Angela would have had such a bellyful of Tsipras that he’d have to rely on Oxfam and the Salvation Army for bailouts”

“What I can’t understand” said His Lordship “is why these candidates for the Labour leadership keep banging on about solar power when at the same time they’re seeking to undermine it by preventing global warming”

“Well my view” said the General “is that Corbyn is an anti-austerity loon who makes Tsipras look like a Gnome of Zurich , the Kendall woman is a sassenach Sturgeon, Cooper would make as big a Balls of everyone’s family as she’s made of her own and Burnham would turn everything to ashes”

“I am campaigning for a Corbyn win” said His Lordship “because that would give us at least another 20 years in power. I could however still be persuaded by a late entry into the race by Sewel. It would be appropriate for a party that needs rehabilitating to have a leader in the same state. What do you think General?”

“I’m giving serious consideration” replied the General ‘to acquiring an apartment in Dolphin Square”

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About this Series
Located on the fashionable side of Pall Mall the Club is famous for counting some of the UK’s greatest political intellects among its members. Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera convene there regularly to create the brilliant insights which David relies on so much to keep the ship of state on course.

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