Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Loss Leader

Loss Leader

Friday 22 July, 2016
Bill gets a reality check when he calls at the ACTU on his election victory tour because he leaves them at such a loss.
The story starts here...

The ACTU Our Brother Bills Keeper heading

“My victory tour is going sensationally well” announced Bill “and I’ve just dropped in to celebrate with you”

“Get real Bill” said Ged “you lost”

“But I came close to knocking Malcolm off” protested Bill “and I’ve set him up for the kill at the next election”

“The reality is” explained Dave “that thanks to your failure to win government the union movement is condemned to endure enslavement under a Coalition government for another three years. And what’s more we spent a fortune trying to stop Malcolm when we might just as well have spent it on night clubs and binge drinking”

“But Malcolm’s totally knackered” claimed Bill “he’s got just a bare majority in the House of Reps and he’s got less chance of getting anything through the Senate than he has through Australia Post”

“I wouldn’t count on that” said Ged “Pauline Hanson will let anything through except Muslims”

“I’m absolutely confident” declared Bill “that under my relentless and merciless leadership the opposition will strangle Malcolm so severely that the only bill he’ll be able to pass in parliament will be me”

“We’ve been thinking” said Dave thoughtfully “that the opposition in the next parliament might be a much more potent force under Albo

“What” exclaimed Bill “you must be joking. Albo just doesn’t have my charisma and dynamic leadership qualities”

“We recently carried out a confidential research study amongst our members” said Ged “which showed the 80% thought you are as boring as batshit, 90% thought you should transfer to the Greens and 5% volunteered to be part of a faceless men operation to stab you”

“But you can’t make Albo the Labor leader” protested Bill “when I’m still the people’s hero for saving Medicare from privatisation”

“Ok” said Ged “here’s what we’ll do, we’ll put you on a year’s probation.

During that time you’ve got to force Malcolm to bash the banks, mount a huge Abbott comeback scare campaign and ensure the Australian Building and Construction Commission is reintroduced to police building employers rather than the CFMEU”

“Ok then” agreed Bill “now I’ll just go and resume my victory tour”

“Oh Bill” said Ged “you’re such a loser”

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About this Series
This series reveals the nature of the special relationship between the ACTU and Bill and in the event of him becoming Prime Minister how much power they’d be prepared to delegate to him.

View all articles in the The ACTU Our Brother Bills Keeper Series
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