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Malcolmings and Goings

Malcolmings and Goings

Friday 2 October, 2015
Jacqui and the Think Tank consider whether the ascension of Malcolm should prompt any change of policy for the Jacqui Lambie Network or whether she should carry on abusing him just like Tony.
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Jacqui Lambie Think Tank masthead

Nazel Hare, Randy Mayle and Prof. Penny Wise received an urgent summons to an emergency Think Tank meeting at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston and were told to bring takeaway because it was Glad’s evening off.

“Tony’s just being rissoled” announced Jacqui

“That’s great news ‘ said Nazel “what are the chances of you replacing him?”

“Don’t be daft’ replied Jacqui “the Coalition aren’t smart enough to appoint me. They’ll take the soft option and appoint Malcolm instead”

“They’ll never learn” said Randy “Tony’s done nothing to advance the interests of sexually active young males except produce three daughters”

“What we need to urgently consider” said Jacqui “is whether this development should bring on a change of policy direction for the Jacqui Lambie Network”

“it all depends” said Randy “on whether you’re likely to form a much closer relationship with Malcolm than with Tony”

“Well I’m not likely to race him off if that’s what you mean” said Jacqui

“What I was rather alluding to” responded Randy “was the prospect of a relationship with Malcolm which isn’t based on mutual distrust and loathing”

“I’m sure Malcolm and I will connect at an intellectual level” said Jacqui “It’s true I fancy him more than Tony but that applies to ninety-nine point nine percent of males”

“The point about Malcolm” said Penny “is that unlike Tony he actually knows something about the economy”

“That’s a worry’ said Jacqui “because he’s likely to be able to suss that my GST demands for Tassie are absolutely outrageous”

“Let’s look on the positive side” suggested Nazel “Malcolm obviously rated Tony an absolute tosser as PM so there’s a point of agreement with him for a start. You could offer to vote for the FTA with China in return for him making you Minister for Tasmania”

“Great idea” said Randy “Malcolm’s bound to dump Eric Abetz from the cabinet so if he doesn’t appoint you Tassie will be under-represented”

“Now is the ideal time” said Penny “to secure the future of the Tasmanian economy. If we adopt the Greek economic model it would force Malcolm to cough for an increased volume of federal government handouts”

“Brilliant thinking” declared Jacqui “Now tell me how should I respond to the legislation Malcolm is proposing to prevent the election of low rent independent senators”

“I wouldn’t worry” said Randy “it obviously doesn’t apply to you”


About this Series
Friday Mash has gained exclusive access to the intellectual powerhouse behind the Lambie political phenomenon. Jacqui has assembled a Think Tank comprising the best minds in Tasmania. Nazel Hare is Jacqui’s campaign manager and President of the Lambie for PM Movement, Randy Mayle is the leader of the Tasmanics a star-studded group of star studs and Professor Penny Wise is the Head of Business Studies at Burnie University. The Think Tank meets regularly at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston and Friday Mash will bring you regular reports of their intellectual discourse.

View all articles in the The Lambie Think Tank Series
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