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Marriage Guidance Counsel

Marriage Guidance Counsel

Friday 12 June, 2015
This latest meeting of her Think Tank marked the first time Jacqui had ever seriously discussed marriage with anyone.
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Jacqui Lambie Think Tank masthead

Nazel Hare, Randy Mayle and Prof Penny Wise received an urgent summons from Jacqui to a Think Tank session at Glad’s Tea Rooms last Sunday morning.

The first item on the agenda was a serve of Glad’s piping-hot home-made scones made all the more mouth-wateringly memorable by the application her home-made strawberry jam and cream.

“I am under pressure” said Jacqui “from the gay faction in the Jacqui Lambie Network to come up with a definitive policy on gay marriage”

“I didn’t know that there was a gay faction” said Nazel “how the hell did that happen?”

“The Jacqui Lambie Network” replied Jackie “is a broad church with no barriers based on race or sexual proclivities. It’s true that in the past we’ve not gone out of our way to recruit anyone other than true blue Tasmanians, ex-military police and the politically paralysed. However the recent pressure on party finances has forced me to expand the scope of our recruitment drive even further”

“That still doesn’t explain how we got lumped with a gay faction” said Randy

“You know our Elsie” said Jacqui ‘the party membership recruitment officer for South Burnie, well it turns out that her Sid’s mate Cyril lives there and he’s a member of the Burnie Butch and Such men’s club and Elsie’s managed to sign up all the members to my Network”

“Didn’t that guy you signed up in Devonport recently come out?” asked Penny

“Yes” replied Jacqui “but he got such a hostile reaction that he went back in again”

“Look” said Randy “I have to be honest with you and confess I’m not up to speed on this gay marriage lark. You need specialist advice from a homo sapiens”

“I think you should oppose gay marriage” said Nazel “I mean you’re never going to choose it for yourself so why inflict it on other people?”

“In my opinion Jacqui” said Penny “it’s time to give the whole concept serious consideration. I mean really what’s the harm in gay people marrying, why shouldn’t they suffer like everybody else?”

“Good thought” said Jacqui “it’s only a shame that legalising gay marriage won’t help Clive achieve his ultimate aim of marrying himself”

“So does this mean” asked Nazel “that you will be aligning yourself with Tanya

Plibersek, Bill Shorten, the Greens and Malcolm Turnbull and supporting gay marriage?”

“Well perhaps” said Jacqui “but I’m still keener on mixed marriages so I’ll probably support gay and lesbian marriage as a compromise”

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About this Series
Friday Mash has gained exclusive access to the intellectual powerhouse behind the Lambie political phenomenon. Jacqui has assembled a Think Tank comprising the best minds in Tasmania. Nazel Hare is Jacqui’s campaign manager and President of the Lambie for PM Movement, Randy Mayle is the leader of the Tasmanics a star-studded group of star studs and Professor Penny Wise is the Head of Business Studies at Burnie University. The Think Tank meets regularly at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston and Friday Mash will bring you regular reports of their intellectual discourse.

View all articles in the The Lambie Think Tank Series
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