Pauline can’t figure out why she didn’t feature in the Australia Day Honours List and demands yet another ‘please explain’.
“I see” remarked James “that both Julia Gillard and Anna Bligh scored top gongs on Australia Day”
“What” yelled Pauline “that’s an absolute outrage, I didn’t even get any Cabcharge dockets. Those two hopeless harridans get all the glory while I’m doing all the heavy lifting needed to keep the country out of the hands of left wing loons”
“Clive didn’t get a cracker either” commented James
“I’m not surprised” remarked Pauline “it’s embarrassing enough that he was deemed a National Treasure. He’s more like sunken treasure. This country needs to wake up to the fact but for me it would now be half Asian and half Muslim with sundry white trash housed in caravan parks”
“I think you should lodge an official complaint” opined James
“I’ll do better than that” vowed Pauline “I’m jetting off to confront Ben Roberts-Smith the Chairman of the Australia Day Council. I’m sure he’ll do the right thing and gong me on the spot”
With that she pulled her Jet pack out of the chest of drawers, strapped it on, pushed the start button and whooshed off to the Australia Day Council HQ.
“Hi Ben” cried Pauline as she landed in his office “there’s been a terrible mistake. I’ve gone gongless in the Australia Day Honours List and so I’m giving you the opportunity to make things right by making me a Companion of something or other like Julia and Anna”
“Sorry Pauline” said Ben “but you’re just not gong-worthy”
“What” yelled Pauline “how can you say that? Are you not aware of the great work I’ve done not only in the area of immigration but also in fish and chips?”
“But politicians don’t get gonged while they are still in office” explained Ben “Julia and Anna didn’t get gonged until it was judged there was no danger of them harming their reputation any further by returning to office. There are still doubts about Kevin however”
“Frankly Ben” said Pauline earnestly “I believe an exception should be made in my case because while I’m the only politician capable of saving this country I’m being subjected to serial slagging and need a bit of encouragement”
“I’d love to help you Pauline” confided Ben “but the fact of the matter is that I can’t. I’m responsible for the Australian of the Year Awards and the Governor General is responsible for the Australia Day Honours List”
“Well Aussie of the Year would do just fine” exclaimed Pauline
“Making a politician Australian of the Year” revealed Ben “would be almost as bad as knighting Prince Philip”