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Megalomania in Tasmania

Megalomania in Tasmania

Friday 6 March, 2015
This is a full account of deliberations at the latest session of Jacqui’s Think Tank where they reached the compelling conclusion that Joe’s first budget wasn’t unfair enough.
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Jacqui Lambie Think Tank masthead

Last week Jacqui summoned Nazel Hare, Randy Mayle and Prof. Penny Wise to a Think Tank session at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston where they formulated her economic policy for the lead-up to the budget.

‘Have you found your Perfect Match yet Jacqui?’ asked Randy

‘Not yet’ replied Jacqui ‘but it shouldn’t take long now that Interpol and the Federal Police have put him on their wanted list’

‘I’ve been thinking’ said Penny ‘about how unfairly Tasmania was treated in Joe’s first budget’

‘It was an absolute scandal’ agreed Jacqui ‘he said he couldn’t give us any more funds because of the debt crisis and I told him we were the bloody debt crisis’

‘I can’t believe’ said Nazel ‘that he treated us just like any other state when we have so many unique disadvantages’

‘I know’ said Jacqui ‘every time a new business opens here the Greens treat it like a terror threat’

‘There needs to be a special grant in the budget’ said Penny ‘to encourage new business development in Tasmania by sending all the Greens here on a year-long study tour of Antarctica to identify the effect that industry there is having on global warming and whether there should be an Antarctic carbon tax’

‘Bloody good idea Penny’ said Jacqui ‘and I’m in favour of increasing the national GST rate to 15% and sending all the increased revenue to Tasmania because I’m fed up with us being a drag on the national economy’

‘Are you still in favour of a 10% pay increase for the armed forces?’ asked Nazel

‘My oath’ replied Jacqui ‘and I’m in favour of a $500 bonus for anyone who bags a terrorist’

‘Great idea’ said Nazel ‘and that should be $1000 if it’s an Aussie terrorist because that would be a major deterrent to any local thinking of taking up a career in terrorism overseas’

‘And there should be a special allowance in the budget’ said Randy ‘for anyone in Tasmania offering a position to an unemployed young woman’

‘Forget it’ said Jacqui ‘only churches get allowances for missionary activities. By the way I’m thinking of delivering my own budget in May after Joe’s delivered his’

‘Great idea’ said Nazel ‘after Joe inevitably falls flat on his arse with his he’ll have yours to fall back on’

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About this Series
Friday Mash has gained exclusive access to the intellectual powerhouse behind the Lambie political phenomenon. Jacqui has assembled a Think Tank comprising the best minds in Tasmania. Nazel Hare is Jacqui’s campaign manager and President of the Lambie for PM Movement, Randy Mayle is the leader of the Tasmanics a star-studded group of star studs and Professor Penny Wise is the Head of Business Studies at Burnie University. The Think Tank meets regularly at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston and Friday Mash will bring you regular reports of their intellectual discourse.

View all articles in the The Lambie Think Tank Series
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