Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Memories Aren’t Made Of This

Memories Aren’t Made Of This

Friday 15 May, 2015
This compelling new series describes how Bill constantly strives to overcome the handicap of being so forgettable while people like Albo think he wouldn’t be so popular if people remembered who he was.
The story starts here...

Shorten Forgettable MastHead for FridayMash series on Bill Shorten satire

“Bill” said Albo “the fact is people are finding it very difficult to remember who you are let alone the things that you say”

“But I’m competitive with Abbott in the polls” said Bill

“I know you’re probably thinking that you’re competitive with Abbott in the polls” said Albo “but given his reputation as a depraved dipstick you’d expect that even a lobotomised llama would be ahead of him as preferred prime minister”

“I’m going to make a huge impact” said Bill “through my crushing response to the budget”

“I’ve been thinking” said Albo “that you could make a huge impact through your crushing response to the budget”

“I just said that” responded Bill

“Then I’m pleased you agree” said Albo

“Do you think it’s a problem” asked Bill “that I haven’t come up with any budget solutions of my own?”

“Of course not” replied Albo “there’s absolutely no risk of anyone recalling that you haven’t got a clue what to do about the budget particularly when there hasn’t been anything much to remember anyway”

“I note that I’m particularly popular” said Bill “among people suffering Alzheimer’s”

“I’m not surprised” said Albo “they realise you’re the one politician they can remember as well as anybody else”

“Is Bill in here?” asked one of his policy advisers poking his head around the door “nobody seems to remember where he’s gone”

“He’s not here” replied Albo “and I can’t remember seeing him recently”

“Do you remember that I designated 2015 as the year of ideas?” asked Bill

“Not really” replied Albo

“Well then aren’t you concerned that we haven’t come up with any yet?” asked Bill

“I’d be concerned if we had” replied Albo “because people would only pour shit on them instead of directing it all towards Abbott”

“I really feel the need to do something” said Bill “to build an image of decisive leadership”

“Bill you have to face facts” said Albo “the most memorable thing you have ever done is stab Julia and Kevin. The truth is you’re simply not as convincing as a politician as you are as a serial stabber of prime ministers. And let’s face it in your position that has considerable benefits”

“How’s that?” asked Bill

“Because if no-one remembers what you said’ explained Albo “you can never be accused of breaking any promises’

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About this Series
Bill Shorten suffers from a chronic inability to make an impression. People not only have problems remembering who he is but also remembering any of his ideas or in fact whether he’s ever had any. The only thing he’s ever remembered for is stabbing prime ministers which is of course the one thing he’d prefer that everyone forgot.

View all articles in the Shorten Forgettable Series
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