Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Kerryman - the Hair Apparent

Mexican Stand-off

Mexican Stand-off

Friday 9 September, 2016
Obama and Biden consider the feasibility of building a wall along the Southern Border to prevent Trump returning to the US from Mexico.
The story starts here...

Kerryman - The Hair Apparent personality FridayMash

“Trump’s just gone to Mexico” announced Biden

“You can’t be serious” said Obama incredulously “he must have a death wish”

“I think he’s gone to brief the President” explained Biden “on how much the wall is going to cost him”

“That should go down” opined Obama “like a Turkish Delight in Damascus. What the hell’s he up to?”

“He’s obviously trying to establish his foreign policy credentials” surmised Biden “and if he returns from Mexico alive he’ll be a hero”

“It’s a worry” said Obama obviously concerned “because he might even look Presidential if he’s shown grandstanding with President Nieto”

“I wonder if he remembered to take his passport with him” pondered Biden “If he didn’t we could send him back to Mexico as an illegal immigrant”

“But he’d simply pay the people smugglers” concluded Obama “to spirit him back over the Southern Border”

“This is serious” pronounced Biden “we can’t allow Trump to make Presidential style visits to other countries. It leaves you and Hillary looking like Jeb Bush”

“This has the makings of a foreign affairs crisis” said Obama authoritatively “I wonder what the hell Kerryman’s doing about it. Let’s get him in here for crisis talks immediately”

When he got the call from the White House Kerryman was having his weekly chat with Russian Foreign Affairs Minister Lavrov at a barber’s shop in Geneva.

“Now look here Kerryman” said Obama as the itinerant entered “what the hell’s Trump up to in Mexico and what the hell are you doing about it?”

“I’ve already alerted the Mexican Foreign Minister” replied Kerryman “to the fact that Trump is in his country setting up a cartel to distribute drugs imported from the US”

“Kerryman” said Obama obviously impressed “on this occasion I’ve underestimated you although most occasions it’s totally justified. Now we’ve got to prevent Trump going round other countries because there’s the risk he could make the US look great again”

“I’ve already addressed that problem as well” said Kerryman nonchalantly “I’ve advised Interpol and the UNHCR that he’s an international people-smuggler travelling under the guise of a US Presidential candidate”

“Did they believe you?” asked Obama

“Certainly” replied Kerryman “because they assumed he was smuggling large numbers of people out of the US who were intending to vote for Hillary”


About this Series
The Kerryman series tracks the career of a remarkable man who manages to combine the onerous duties of US Secretary of State with the desperate need to prevent himself becoming overgrown with hair by getting it cut at least twice a day. This probably explains why his barber has a bigger influence on US foreign policy than Obama.

View all articles in the Kerryman – Secretary in a State Series
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