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Might Isn’t Right at the ABC

Might Isn’t Right at the ABC

Friday 30 January, 2015
Guy the Friday Mash Superfly was on a wall in Malcolm Turnbull’s office when Mark Scott popped in to discuss the ABC’s plans for 2015. Guy has just buzzed in with this exclusive report.
The story starts here...

Guy the FridayMash Superfly

‘Now Mark’ said Malcolm ‘I’m particularly interested in your plans to present a more balanced political commentary in 2015 consistent with the ABC Charter’

‘The trouble is’ said Mark ‘it’s impossible for us to present a balanced view of Abbott when he’s so determined to slash our budgets and reduce us to a light music channel’

‘It’s difficult to comprehend’ said Malcolm ‘why your talk shows are all dominated by left-wing zealots like Tony Jones, Barrie Cassidy and Leigh Sales’

‘That’s because anyone with a profound understanding of politics’ said Mark ‘naturally supports Labor and the Greens. I’ve desperately tried to find a right-wing talk show host who could present a balanced view of Kevin Rudd and Julia Gillard but I might as well try to recruit an English professor as a rugby league commentator’

‘But take Q&A for example’ said Malcolm ‘left leaning panel members usually outnumber those on the right by four to one’

‘I’ve steadfastly refused to make it five nil’ said Mark ‘despite the barrage of complaints we receive’

‘Why do you have Clive Palmer on your talk shows so often?’ asked Malcolm

‘Because his views are totally in sync with our audience’ replied Mark ‘he loves Tony Jones and hates Tony Abbott’’

‘Wouldn’t you concede’ asked Malcolm ‘that the huge amount of taxpayer dollars flowing to the ABC from right-wing sources merits a fairer coverage by you of the Abbott Government?’

‘Good heavens no’ replied Mark ‘what an appalling thought. The ABC will never be influenced by political donations and furthermore we’re doing right-wing taxpayers a favour by pointing out what a disaster it was to axe the carbon tax, stop the boats and establish a Royal Commission into Julia Gillard which was nothing more than a witch-hunt’

‘What new programming initiatives have you got lined-up for 2015?’ asked Malcolm

‘We’re planning a new gardening show featuring Christine Milne’ replied Mark ‘who will give expert tips on growing Greens’

‘I warn you Mark’ said Malcolm ‘I shall take a very dim view of any plans to have Penny Wong hosting a left-wing dating show which doesn’t cater for right-footers’

‘There is one other programming initiative on the drawing board’ said Mark ‘Bill Shorten will make a number of appearances to explain his policy of reversing Abbott’s cuts to our budget if he becomes PM in 2016’

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About this Series
Having stuck with a fly paper for many years Guy has become a celebrated political reporter through his unique ability to locate himself on the walls the prominent and powerful and listen in to their conversations. He is always careful to take with him a fly-spray early warning detector.

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