Move Over Malcolm
Nazel Hare, Randy Mayle and Prof. Penny Wise were summoned by Jacqui last week to an election campaign planning session at Glad’s Tea Rooms.
Furthermore they were promised the first tastings of Lambie Lamingtons created especially by Glad as Jacqui’s official campaign cake.
“In my opinion” announced Penny “there’s a chance Jacqui could end up as Prime Minister after this election”
“Hang on Penny” said Randy “what the hell have you been sniffing”
“Consider this” said Penny authoritatively “the election produces a hung parliament and the minor parties and independents won’t commit to either Malcolm or Bill because both their election campaigns have had about as much impact as an emissions reduction campaign in Syria”
“What about the Greens?” asked Nazel
“The major political parties” explained Penny “clearly understand that a Coalition with the Greens would have the same outcome as aligning themselves with suicide bombing”
“So how the hell would I finish up as PM?” asked Jacqui
“After the election” replied Penny “when the reality dawns that no-one can form government and the country needs another election like a comeback by Tony there is the distinct possibility of a Trump moment”
“You mean” cried Randy “we’d call on him to come down and be our saviour?”
“Good heavens no” expostulated Penny “whatever gave you that absurd idea?
Rather there would be calls for Australia’s own version of Trump to step forward in our hour of need”
“Well we tried that with Clive” said Randy “but all we got was change with dimes but no nickel”
“Surely you’re talking about Pauline Hanson” said Nazel
“The nearest thing to Trump in Australia” proclaimed Penny “is Jacqui. The ruder and more objectionable she is to establishment politicians the more people love her”
“You mean” enquired Jacqui “that if I was twice as nasty to Malcolm I’d stand twice the chance of becoming Prime Minister?”
“Of course” replied Penny “these days you have to realise that it’s not being nice to the public that counts in election campaigns rather it’s about pointing out how useless it is to vote for politicians”