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Buzz from Fly on the Wall

Mr. Collegiality

Mr. Collegiality

Friday 27 February, 2015
Guy, the Friday Mash Superfly, was on a wall in Tony’s office when he met with Liberal MPs to convince the backbench that he was actually listening to them
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Guy the FridayMash Superfly

‘Welcome gentlemen’ said Tony ‘and I should like to stress that you’re the first backbenchers to meet with the new collegial and consultative me’

‘Thank you Tony’ said Luke ‘so in that spirit I must make it absolutely clear we on the backbench think you’re doing an absolutely shit-house job as PM’

‘Hold on’ said Tony ‘that was last week. You’ve forgotten that good government has started’

‘We were really ropable that you took the decision to knight Prince Philip’ said Rod ‘without consulting us’

‘But that was a collegial and consultative captain’s pick’ said Tony

‘Your problem Tony’ said Luke ‘is that you don’t listen to anyone except Peta and she gets all our views back to frontbench’

‘Look’ said Tony ‘I fully realise the importance of taking backbench opinions into account but my priority is to get Peta’s opinion because she’d kill me if I didn’t. If by any chance a backbencher says something useful then it’s the Chief Whip’s job to tell me’

‘So why did you fire him?’ asked Rod’

‘He kept telling me the backbenchers thought I was doing a shit-house job’ replied Tony ’and I didn’t think that was useful’

‘Well what’s the message you want us to take to the backbench?’ asked Luke

‘I’d like you to convey to them’ replied Tony ‘that I stand ready to take a collegial and consultative approach to any backbench initiative especially if it is a second attempt to spill me’

‘You should understand’ said Rod ‘that the backbench is still simmering over the broken promises and their impression of you and Joe trying to fix the budget is akin to a couple of headless chooks going out to bat without their helmets ’

‘And if you haven’t fired Peta and Joe before the next budget becomes a bugger’s muddle’ said Luke ‘you should just go and spill yourself quietly and save us the trouble’

‘In the spirit of collegiality and consultation’ said Tony ‘I’ll be more than happy to put those views to my special advisory group’

‘Oh great’ said Rod ‘when will that happen?’

‘I’ll just call her in’ replied Tony

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About this Series
Having stuck with a fly paper for many years Guy has become a celebrated political reporter through his unique ability to locate himself on the walls the prominent and powerful and listen in to their conversations. He is always careful to take with him a fly-spray early warning detector.

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