The Pudding Club Pontifications

Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera lunched last week on Lobster Mornay and found the Chef’s suggestion of a Meursault Premier Cru 2012 to be more than an adequate accompaniment.

“I say” said His Lordship “this Brexit business is going to be one hell of a bugger’s muddle”

“There are those in high places” remarked Sir Rah “who are beginning to believe it may never happen”

“Of course it will” insisted the General “our destiny must diverge from those bureaucratic boofheads in Brussels”

“But we should not ignore the possibility” cautioned Sir Rah “that the process of disentangling ourselves from the Brussels bureaucracy might stuff the country more senselessly than staying in”

“Some of my fellow members in the Lords” announced His Lordship “are already discussing whether to block the issue of Article 50”

“That’s absolutely monstrous” expostulated the General “it would be an outright betrayal of the brilliant Brexit campaign led by Boris, Nigel and me. I’m damned if I’m going to stand by while those cretins in Brussels dictate things like the specifications of British toilets. The next thing they’ll be issuing instructions on how we should sit on them”

“Do you think it possible” mused His Lordship “we could carry on for years just buggering around with Brexit in the hope that the EU might start behaving reasonably and much less like crazed continentals”

“Never” thundered the General “Theresa has promised to pursue Brexit and I’m determined to hold her to it even if it means threatening to back a leadership bid by Boris”

“But Boris is simply an opportunist” claimed Sir Rah “I wouldn’t be surprised to wake up one morning and find he’d become PM by doing a deal with Nicola Sturgeon for Scotland to remain in the EU and for the rest of the UK to become a country member”

“I wonder if any of us are on David’s final honours list” pondered His Lordship “I’m sure you would have featured in it General if you hadn’t been such a prominent member of the Leave campaign”

“I’m quietly confident” confided the General “that once the UK has Brexited pioneering heroes like Boris, Nigel and myself will be appropriately honoured for our valour”

“In your case however” suggested His Lordship “it could also mean being banned by the EU from entering France for dalliances with your paramour in Paris”

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