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The Pudding Club Pontifications

Not Dilatory about Military

Not Dilatory about Military

Friday 4 December, 2015
Pudding Club members discuss the General’s proposal for a military solution to the threat of Islamic State and feel there’s no point in sharing it with Jeremy Corbyn.
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The Pudding Club section Friday Mash.comLord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera lunched this week on the Club’s famous festive fare and enhanced their season of goodwill to all men through the imbibition of a couple of bottles of Chateau Margaux 2000.

“I’ve just written to David” announced the General “offering to lead an invasion of Islamic State’

“My word” said His Lordship “what on earth did he say?”

“I haven’t heard back yet” replied the General “I expect he’s discussing it with Obama, Angela and Francois”

“Wouldn’t an invasion be rather a drastic step?” asked Sir Rah

“Of course it would” replied the General “but that’s exactly what’s needed. It’s no use fartarsing around, I reckon with a couple of battalions I could clear the joint out in a week or two”

“What is your main strategic objective in undertaking such military action?” asked His Lordship

“Well with a bit of luck” replied the General “I should be able to re-acqaint myself with an absolute cracker I used to know in Raqqa”

“Maggie wouldn’t have hesitated to start shooting” said His Lordship “but David might”

“I’ve always thought of him as a man of action like me” exclaimed the General

“Look at it this way” said His Lordship “Islamic State is a much more complex place than the Falkland Islands and Jeremy Corbyn and Nicola Sturgeon might threaten to use a nuclear deterrent to stop you”

“That’s the trouble with current attitudes to war” opined the General “nobody has that single-minded focus on winning like Winnie and Maggie in the good old days. Today’s politicians believe they can win without boots on the ground simply by sitting in their offices and pressing a few buttons. Give me the guns and the cattle and I’ll create the stampede”

“Obama wouldn’t approve either” observed Sir Rah

“If terrorists blew up the White House” said the General “his only reaction would be to redirect the mail”

“After you’ve removed the last vestiges of ISIL from Islamic State” said His Lordship “what’s the next step?”

“I would hand it over to the British Government” replied the General “and they could decide how to split it up between the interested parties”

“But that’s exactly how we created the mess in the Middle East in the first place” observed His Lordship


About this Series
Located on the fashionable side of Pall Mall the Club is famous for counting some of the UK’s greatest political intellects among its members. Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera convene there regularly to create the brilliant insights which David relies on so much to keep the ship of state on course.

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