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Buzz from Fly on the Wall

Not Leading Anywhere

Not Leading Anywhere

Friday 5 June, 2015
Guy, the Friday Mash Superfly, was on a wall in the Greens Party Room when the new leader Richard di Natale led the parliamentary party in a policy review session. Here is his exclusive report.
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Guy the FridayMash Superfly

“I am sure” said Richard “you would like me to open the meeting by recording our appreciation of Christine’s superb leadership and peerless contribution to the Party”

“I thought she went far too easy on Abbott” said Sarah “if it hadn’t been for me carrying on like a demented douchebag she might even have agreed with his PPL policy and his increase in fuel excise. Just because they were our policies as well is no excuse for making things easy for an appalling arsehole like Abbott”

“I was very disappointed she didn’t demonstrate outside Max Brenner outlets with me” said Lee “but she was such a big fan of their hot chocolate”

“I’m very worried that Abbott is going up in the polls” said Scott “there’s even a danger he might be rated a lesser threat than returning terrorists”

“I’m thinking of sponsoring a bill” said Sarah “to decree that returning terrorists should receive treatment for PTSD and become honorary RSL members”

“We urgently need to formulate a new infrastructure policy” said Richard

“I cannot comprehend” said Adam “why that maniac Abbott is so hell-bent on building new roads. He can’t seem to get it through his oddly-shaped skull that the only way to reduce traffic jams and carbon emissions is to close roads rather than building more of them”

“It’s also vital that we also reinforce our airport policy” said Scott “all the nation really needs is one national airport in the middle of the Simpson Desert connected to the cities by Very Fast Solar Trains powered by global warming”

“I feel the time has come for gay marriage” said Sarah

“I wish you every happiness” said Richard “The other critical matter on the agenda is identifying what should be our main campaign theme at the Climate Change Conference in Paris next December”

“Australia must become a coal-free country by 2030” said Adam ‘which doesn’t give us long to dig it all up and export it”

“What should Australia be doing about the asylum seeker problem in South-East Asia?” asked Richard

“We should send Operation Sovereign Borders to go and pick them all up” said

Sarah “then unload them at Circular Quay in Sydney followed by a civic reception at Sydney Town Hall”

“Good thinking” said Richard “but would happen to them after that?”

“I’d arrange for them to appear on a new reality TV show” said Sarah “called

“Naturalised at first sight”


About this Series
Having stuck with a fly paper for many years Guy has become a celebrated political reporter through his unique ability to locate himself on the walls the prominent and powerful and listen in to their conversations. He is always careful to take with him a fly-spray early warning detector.

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