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The Pudding Club Pontifications

Over-paid Over Here

Over-paid Over Here

Friday 26 August, 2016
Pudding Club members discuss prospects for the new Premier League season and the need for football to become more like rugby.
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The Pudding Club section Friday Mash.com

Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera tucked into a delicious Sole Meuniere at lunch last week and couldn’t have been more appreciative of the Chef’s suggestion of a Les Folatieres Puligny-Montrachet to accompany it.

“I say” said His Lordship “I see the Premier League kicks off this weekend”

“I couldn’t give a frog’s fart” commented the General “I’m a rugger man myself and have absolutely no time for that pack of overpaid pansy poseurs”

“Actually I’m a member at Chelsea” confessed Sir Rah “but I still find time to pop into the odd Saracens game”

“Manchester United just paid one hundred million for a player from Europe” announced His Lordship “The country badly needs a prime minister who is worth that much but the problem is he or she wouldn’t be able to recoup the money through shirt sales”

“I’m absolutely outraged” revealed the General “that so many damned continentals are coming over to play in the Premier League. I’m going to persuade Theresa that when Brexit happens they should all be sent back”

“But surely” insisted Sir Rah “the same thing happens in rugby”

“It certainly doesn’t” exclaimed the General “rugby imports are splendid chaps like Kiwis, Aussies and Springboks and only occasionally a continental sneaks in. Rugby’s much more of a Brexit sport than football”

“I would expect” observed Sir Rah “that Brexit won’t have an effect on Premier League players”

“I’m not sure” said His Lordship “should British football teams still compete in European competitions post Brexit?”

“Absolutely not” replied the General “and in view of the fact we lost to Iceland we obviously didn’t compete in the last one”

“Do you think football players are paid too much?” asked Sir Rah

“Of course they are” replied the General “I’d bring in a law that prevented football players being paid more than rugby players. Those continental con-artists playing here are making millions here, sending it all back over there and then it’s being used to fund boofhead Brussels bureaucrats who make up stupid little fart-arsing rules that we’re supposed to follow”

“By the same token” enquired His Lordship “does this mean that post Brexit you’ll give up your paramour in Paris?”

“Of course not” replied the General “that’s not a mere sport it’s an absolute passion”

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About this Series
Located on the fashionable side of Pall Mall the Club is famous for counting some of the UK’s greatest political intellects among its members. Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera convene there regularly to create the brilliant insights which David relies on so much to keep the ship of state on course.

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