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Party Games

Party Games

Friday 7 August, 2015
Guy the Friday Mash Superfly was on a wall in Ged Kearney’s office as the ACTU President met with Secretary Dave Oliver for a follow-up discussion on the Labor Party Conference. This is Guy’s exclusive report on their key conclusions.
The story starts here...

Guy the FridayMash Superfly

“It always amazes me” said Dave “that once union officials become Labor politicians they forget their roots and start getting fanciful ideas about governing for the whole community”

“I know” said Ged “Bill is a case in point. He seems oblivious to the fact that his 50% renewables policy by 2030 will throw thousands out of work and their chance of getting green jobs is about the same as the Royal Commission recommending us for an ethics award”

“I was disappointed” said Dave “that Bill didn’t acknowledge more openly at the Conference that Labor Party policy is controlled by us. The fact that we only get 50% of Conference delegates can lull the Party into a false sense of its own significance”

“I couldn’t agree more” said Ged “don’t forget 70-odd percent of Labor politicians have graduated from unions. Bill had better be clear that his target of 50% women in the parliamentary party can’t override our target of 95% ex-union employees”

“It was definitely a victory for us” said Dave ‘that Bill didn’t support an increase in the GST nor all those free trade agreements. He clearly agreed with our view that while they might be highly beneficial for the economy they could upset some unions”

“And of course” said Ged “if asylum seeker boats had been crewed by our members Bill wouldn’t have dared to agree with Abbott’s plan to make them redundant”

“I’m worried about the Royal Commission” said Dave “it could result in so many prosecutions against union officials that it would be difficult to sustain our argument that it’s merely a political witch-hunt”

“Relax” said Ged “once Labor gets back into power there’s going to be so many Royal Commissions into Abbott he’ll make Eddie Obeid look like an ethics commissioner”

“How do you feel about same-sex marriage?” asked Dave

“It’s a great opportunity to increase our membership” replied Ged “because most of them will be left-wing unions”

“I’ve been thinking about how Bill is going as Party leader” said Dave “he seems to have credibility problems”

“That’s always going to be the case with a politician who’s an ex-union leader” said Ged “If they come across as credible the public is automatically going to be suspicious”

“Ok” said Dave” we’ll leave him in the job for now but he’s got to understand he has to oppose any move from Abbott that leaves our members worse off like a higher tax on luxury cars”

“What you think our policy should be on Operation Sovereign Borders?” asked Ged

“That’s difficult” replied Dave “because on the one hand it keeps a lot of foreign workers out of the country but on the other for some unfathomable reason our loony left members don’t like it. I think we should back Bill on condition that he agrees to talk to Indonesia about all asylum seeker boats being built in Adelaide”

“Are you thinking of making a switch to a political career in the Labor Party?” asked Ged

“Not really” replied Dave “it would be like going from Head Office to a branch in the backwaters”

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About this Series
Having stuck with a fly paper for many years Guy has become a celebrated political reporter through his unique ability to locate himself on the walls the prominent and powerful and listen in to their conversations. He is always careful to take with him a fly-spray early warning detector.

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