Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Pauline in Prospect

Pauline in Prospect

Friday 26 August, 2016
This week Friday Mash’s worldwide team of distinguished correspondents provide answers to the whogivesashit issue on everyone’s lips “Will the re-emergence of Pauline Hanson in federal politics benefit mankind globally?”
The story starts here...

WhoGivesaShit Issues of our time

Dick Head – Canberra correspondent – I warmly welcome Pauline back to Canberra because I believe she’s the likely catalyst for the best political sex scandal we’ve enjoyed in years. Some commentators believe she’s past it but I feel she’s still got what it takes to spark the sort of searing sex scandal that could spark a renaissance in Australian political life. Current indications are that government ministers are courting her furiously. I believe it would be a mistake to assume this is merely because they want to get their legislation passed in the Senate.

Tori Banger – UK correspondent – Following the rise of Theresa May and Nicola Sturgeon here in the UK, the continuing reign of Angela in Germany and the prospective Presidency of Hillary it is so heart-warming to see Pauline blossoming in Australia. I wrote to congratulate her on her electoral success and it was so inspirational to receive her reply which confirmed that the UK is one of the few overseas places she has ever heard of and she greatly admires it as the birth-place of fish and chips and the source of immigrants which she rates much more highly than Muslims or Asians.

P.E.Doff – US correspondent – From what I’ve heard of this Hanson woman she sounds like Donald Trump in drag. If control freaks like these ever get into power there will be a wall-building led economic recovery but the international travel business will collapse. When it comes to considering what sort of people we want to lead us through the challenges of the twenty-first century I remain unconvinced that they are any better than politicians.

Hugo Morthanigo – EU correspondent – Pauline Hanson is an absolute anathema to European culture and civilisation which are the very bedrocks of the EU. It’s braindead Brits like her that voted for Brexit and condemned the UK to a future of pubs, pork pies, tripe and onions when their palates had almost matured sufficiently to appreciate Chateauneuf du Pape, cheese souffles and snails and their emotions were finally warming to the concept of having sex with their clothes off.

A Hole – Australian social commentator – I believe Pauline Hanson could be pioneering a landmark new concept in political parties. Members of the One Nation parliamentary party are free to do their own thing and not follow the gospel according to Pauline. This means that the party is unlike to implode like PUP when Clive made his gospel non-negotiable and it also recognises how unreasonable it would be to expect anyone to have exactly the same religious beliefs as Pauline. I see her as a sort of national safety valve. If ever the public are really pissed off about something and there’s a whiff of rebellion in the air all it would take is for Pauline to deliver a populist politically and factually incorrect tirade in parliament and everyone would be happy.

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