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PM Power Play

PM Power Play

Friday 3 March, 2017
Pauline and James discuss a bold strategy for One Nation to assert power over the Coalition.
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Pauline and James discuss a bold strategy for One Nation to assert power over the Coalition.

 “I’ve just thought up a brilliant plan” declared James “which will catapult you to power”

“Oh that sounds fun” exclaimed Pauline “will it feel like being shot out of a cannon?”

“Yes” replied James “but it will do far more damage. It’s time to proposition Malcolm”

“Good heavens” cried Pauline “I don’t think even Jacqui’s gone that far”

“It’s time to capitalise on the surging power of One Nation” insisted James “to propose a Coalition between us and the Liberals”

“What about the Nationals?” asked Pauline

“They’re becoming irrelevant” replied James “because they can never be the sort of nationals we need to build One Nation”

“So what’s the deal?” enquired Pauline

“You would take over from Barnaby as Deputy PM” explained James “and all our Senators would get seats in cabinet”

“I’ve given your proposal a lot of thought” said Pauline pensively “and I think it’s an absolutely shithouse idea”

“Don’t you think that’s a slight overreaction?” asked James

“Actually on re-consideration it’s a seriously shithouse idea” pronounced Pauline “because if Malcolm shafted the Nationals he’d lose his majority”

“That’s why the Nationals would remain in the Coalition but as the third ranked partner” explained James “One Nation is the future and they are clearly the past”

“That would piss Barnaby off permanently and profoundly” opined Pauline

“I’ve no doubt” confirmed James “he would gobarkingly off his brain but he needs to face facts. A Coalition between us and the Liberals in WA would keep Barnett in power and as far as Anna What’sherface in Queensland is concerned she might as well give up and go home right now”

“How do you think Nationals voters would react?” asked Pauline

“Well there’s already a stream of them coming over to One Nation” claimed James “and once we do this deal we’d better issue a flood warning”

“And how do you think Malcolm would react?” asked Pauline

“What choice does he have?” demanded James “he’s lost Bernardi, he almost lost Christensen and it can only be a matter of time before Julie and Scott come over to join us in One Nation”

“I’ll just go and strap on my jet pack” announced Pauline “and rocket over for a chat with Malcolm”

“That reminds me” remarked James “I must confirm that jet pack trips are covered by parliamentary travel expenses”

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