Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Political Brains Trust

Political Brains Trust

Friday 3 June, 2016
This week Felicity Farthardly leads the Focus Group in considering whether Malcolm or Bill has more of what it takes to become PM and if so what the hell is it?
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FridayMash Focus Group

“Good afternoon everyone” began Felicity “the first question we are considering today is ‘Who is better qualified to become PM Malcolm or Bill?’

What do you think Greta?”

“I think Australia would be raving mad” asserted Greta “to elect an ex-Secretary of the AWU to be our PM. You could only be recognised as a member of his Fairer Society by producing your union membership card”

“Malcolm is a big disappointment” opined Kylie “I used to think he was a closet progressive dressed up like a congenital capitalist. Now he’s the become first person ever to come out of the closet and still not know whether he’s Arthur or Martha”

“Who would you trust more to manage the economy?” asked Felicity

“Well” said Herb “putting Bill in charge of the economy would be like appointing the Great Train Robbers to the board of Westpac. He’s been brought up to believe that profits and shareholder dividends are the result of not granting pay increases to workers”

“But surely” said Felicity “you’d trust Labor more to manage health and education”

“Of course” responded Eric “Malcolm’s plan to balance the budget depends on maintaining as many unhealthy and uneducated people as possible. He’s determined to deliver a budget surplus even if it means transforming Australia into a third world country”

“So who overall do you think is more deserving of your vote?” asked Felicity

“Malcolm” replied Greta “because I trust Lucy to prevent him doing anything as brainless as knighting Prince Philip”

“Bill” replied Kylie “so I get full value from my union membership fees”

“Malcolm” replied Herb “because he acted just in time to save me from an uncontrollable urge to stab Tony”

“Oh Bill for sure” replied Eric “because I think we should share the prime ministership round more and I don’t think there’s a chance that Malcolm will get any better”

“What do you think” asked Felicity “is the current general attitude to the election campaign?”

“People are simply hoping against hope” replied Herb “that they can make it through to the election with their brain still functioning well enough to prevent them voting for anyone like Ricky Muir

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About this Series
No politician who is serious about acting in Australia’s best interests would dream of taking a key decision before first checking with Felicity Farthardly who is widely recognised as one of the country’s leading experts on the public’s political needs and attitudes. She’s the researcher who can always be relied on to ask the right questions provided she’s been briefed beforehand on the right answers

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