Polls and Liars by Dick Head
The NSW Labor Party has had to call in Bill Shorten as someone the electorate can identify with to help recognise its current line-up as the party they kicked out four years ago.
Son of Bambi, the premier, is being challenged for his job by Luddite Luke, the unions’ hitman, who is out to smash all his modernisation plans for the state’s infrastructure. Luke is absolutely determined to keep the state in the 19th century while ensuring the unions remain totally up the poles keeping their balance of power on the high wires.
Son of Bambi has announced a comprehensive infrastructure Plan A for NSW but doesn’t have a Plan B. Luddite Luke doesn’t have a Plan A but believes he can achieve a key competitive advantage with a Plan B especially as Labor never seems to have much luck with Plan As.
Luke is fiercely determined to stop Son of Bambi selling off NSW because the unions claim it’s owned by them. Son of Bambi has considered the proposition of further improving NSW’s economic position by selling off the unions but found they aren’t worth anything.
It is fascinating to speculate whether in this election the spectre of Tony Abbott will haunt the electorate more than the ghosts of Labor celebrities past like ‘Sparkles’ Scully as well as Eddie, Joe and Ian. However if Tony gets rissoled in Canberra before the state election the NSW Labor Party won’t stand a ghost of a chance.
Luddite Luke seems to be trying to usher in a world stuffed with so many traffic jams and so much unusable public transport that the state will come to a complete stop. This will provide Labor with the valuable breathing space it needs to try and catch up.
Son of Bambi’s vision for NSW is a train, bus, light rail and car paradise where Clover Moore’s cycle tracks have been recycled, the unions are a workers’ social welfare group, there are so many tunnels under the Harbour that the Bridge can become a recreational park and the ICAC has morphed into merely another symbol of Australia’s proud convict past.
Friday Mash political sanity specialists have reassured the NSW electorate that there’s little chance of this election causing major brain dysfunction unless Tony Abbott and Bill Shorten make regular appearances.