The Pudding Club Pontifications
Pudding Club members discuss prospects for an immediate withdrawal from the EU based on Trump’s model for withdrawing from the refugee business.
Such was the severity of the winter chill pervading Trafalgar Square last week that Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera opted for a lunch of Tournedos Rossini and Chateauneuf du Pape in order to benefit from their remarkable restorative powers.
“I say” remarked His Lordship “Trump seems to be getting more coverage in the British media than Theresa”
“What an absolutely splendid President he is” opined the General “I wish we had someone like him conducting Brexit negotiations. He’d have us out in three weeks”
“That’s an interesting thought” commented His Lordship “after all it’s our country and we should be able to pick up our bat and ball and go home whenever we like”
“Nevertheless” cautioned Sir Rah “as a nation of the highest principles and probity it is incumbent upon us to observe our obligations to fellow EU members”
“That’s absolute tosh” expostulated the General “if I was leading this country we’d be out of the EU tomorrow. The longer we waste time negotiating with those conniving continentals the more likely we are to end up bare-arsed and bereft”
“But if we just told them to go and get nicked” argued Sir Rah “we’d become international pariahs”
“On the contrary” asserted the General “Trump would be on the sidelines cheering us all the way. Just think of the sheer relief across the whole nation when our future destiny is no longer in the hands of the EU refugee distribution centre”
“I must say” remarked His Lordship “that I like the idea of someone like Trump being in charge of Brexit negotiations. How about you General do you feel competent to take charge?”
“Absolutely” responded the General with alacrity “I’m sure I could get leave of absence from the War Office to lead the country in yet again putting the continentals back in their place on the other side of the Channel”
“Mind you” said His Lordship cautiously “it will require a bit of preparation. I’ll have a chat with Theresa about getting you into the Lords to raise your profile and I’ll arrange through our US ambassador for you to have a blazing row with Trump on the phone just to give you a bit of match practice. Is there anything else you’ll need?”
“Yes” replied the General “I’ll need the SAS standing by to extract me from Brussels if things turn nasty and I’ll need a week with my paramour in Paris to consider the challenges of premature withdrawal”