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Dick Head Interviews

Present and Politically Incorrect

Present and Politically Incorrect

Friday 15 July, 2016
In the first formal interview since her political comeback Pauline makes it abundantly clear why it’s taken her such a long time.
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Dick Head Reports on FridayMash

The Dick Head Interview


With Pauline Hanson

“Tell me Pauline” began Dick “to what do you attribute your dramatic comeback to federal politics?”

“Well Dick apart from the obvious fact that the electorate has final come to its senses there are a number of decisive factors” replied Pauline “including my sex appeal and my unique ability to make political incorrectness seem absolutely correct”

“Which of your policies” asked Dick “had the biggest electoral impact?”

“Without question” replied Pauline “my policy to establish a Royal Commission into Islam and determine whether it’s an ideology, a religion or a regular feature on ABC current affairs”

“And what would be the purpose” asked Dick “of a Royal Commission into climate change?”

“To determine whether it’s an ideology, a religion or a just regular feature on the ABC’s long-term weather forecasts” replied Pauline

“What is your vision for the future of Australia?” asked Dick

“I envisage an open and prosperous society” replied Pauline “free from concerns that the Greens could double the price of electricity and offer the Islamic State a seamless transfer here to flee oppression in the Middle East

“Do you see yourself” asked Dick “as a sort of Aussie Trump?”

“Not really” replied Pauline “I’m much more of a mainland Jacqui Lambie”

“What’s your position on gay marriage?” asked Dick

“I can’t help feeling” replied Pauline “that the concept is yet another problem that’s been introduced into Australia by asylum seekers. I’m absolutely convinced that if we stopped taking in foreigners for a few years the problem would go away. That’s why I’m so absolutely determined to extend Operation Sovereign Borders right round Australia”

“Is it your intention to support the Turnbull government in the Senate?” asked Dick

“I shall judge every piece of legislation strictly on its merit” replied Pauline “although it’s only fair to point out that in the event of clashes of interest Hanson’s law will always take precedence over sharia law”

“Has the Prime Minister made contact with you yet?” asked Dick

“Oh no” replied Pauline “it would be quite improper of him to approach me about taking on the Immigration portfolio before he’d fired Peter Dutton

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About this Series
Dick’s outstanding career in political journalism owes much to recent advances in psychiatric treatment. In his role as a leading Canberra correspondent Dick enjoys an especially close rapport with all the leading politicians and the loony left because he’s met them all at the treatment centre.

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