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Tales from Tony’s Minder

Some Prime Ministers have Greatness Dumped upon Them

Some Prime Ministers have Greatness Dumped upon Them

Friday 7 November, 2014
Peta sets Tony on course to bequeath a legacy of greatness to the nation because it doesn’t seem likely he’ll leave it with much cash.
The story starts here...

Tony's Minder - Friday Mash's coverage of Tony Abbott & Peta Credlin

‘Listen Tony’ I said ‘it’s time we started thinking seriously about your legacy’

‘I’ll just leave everything to Margie’ he said

‘I’m talking about your prime ministerial legacy’ I said ‘our aim must be that in years to come you’re revered as Australia’s greatest prime minister’

‘That’s a brilliant concept’ said Tony ‘but it’s not easy to achieve even for someone as deserving as me. I can’t compete with Gough unless the GG fires me’

‘My fear is’ I said ‘that if we don’t make a special effort you could be competing with Kevin and Julia for the prime ministerial wooden spoon’

‘That should be awarded jointly to Julia and Bob Brown’ said Tony

‘You’ve got to take the sort of bold nation building decisions’ I said ‘which will forever stamp you as a great statesman’

‘You mean like stopping the boats’ said Tony ‘and axing the carbon tax?’

‘No’ I replied ‘they’ve simply about stopping things. To become a great statesman you’ve got to start things’

‘What sort of things?’ asked Tony

‘A new right wing public television service’ I replied ‘to compete with the ABC or an emissions increase scheme to address the growing climate change problem caused by the build-up of ice in Antarctica or fixing the totally stuffed structure of Government in Australia’

‘That’s a good idea’ commented Tony ‘I’ll tell the state governments what to do and give them a bollocking if they go over budget’

‘It’s high time’ I said ‘that a leader of Australia with courage, wisdom, integrity and vision tackled the intractable issue of how to make federal government and the states work effectively together in managing Australia’

‘That’s my destiny’ said Tony ‘and I haven’t promised anything so if I don’t succeed it won’t be another broken promise’

‘You should be aware however’ I said ‘that it is a highly complex issue and not a short term vote winner’

‘So let’s see’ said Tony ‘if I succeed in reforming the federal government structure in Australia I’ll get kicked out of office, Labor will take all the credit and there’s a chance that in 2080 I’ll be seen as a great prime minster. On the other hand if I make a pig’s ear of the whole thing I’ll be condemned in history to rank alongside Kevin and Julia’

‘There’s another option’ I said ‘if you ignore the issue there’s a chance you’ll be ranked in history alongside Harold Holt as a PM who went out in budgie smugglers’

‘Wait a minute’ said Tony ‘I’m the infrastructure prime minister. I’m going to be remembered as the greatest prime minister because I created the greatest roads, the greatest airports and the greatest high-speed rail systems’

‘Not to mention the greatest train-wrecks’ I said

Comments

About this Series
In her role as Tony’s Minder Peta does an incredibly good job of keeping him looking prime ministerial and preventing him reverting to his natural larrikin self. Her continuing success in the position has led to job offers in lion-taming and doing something similar for Clive.

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