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The Pudding Club Pontifications

The Problem With The EU Is That It’s just Not British

The Problem With The EU Is That It’s just Not British

Friday 24 October, 2014
After trying for centuries to prevail upon the continentals to adopt the British model of governmental integrity and propriety, Pudding Club members consider it's time for Britain to cut its losses and send a flotilla to Dunkirk to effect a final withdrawal.
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The Pudding Club section Friday Mash.com

‘Good God’ said His Lordship ‘what do you make of that Tory traitor Carswell getting elected to the Commons as a UKIP?’

‘Damn good thing if you ask me’ responded the General ‘it’s a timely wake-up call for David. He’s spent far too much time recently sucking up to Scotland rather than rissoling the EU’

‘These by-elections have been a disaster for Miliband’ said His Lordship ‘and the Lib Dems are on the verge of being relegated to non-League status’

‘We’ve got to shut this open door immigration policy’ said the General ‘ Why would any itinerant who makes it to France want to stay there rather than coming here? It’s true sex used to be better over there but Hollande’s asinine affairs have demonstrated all too clearly how far their standards have fallen’

‘Hold on a minute’ said Sir Rah ‘the UK economy is tracking pretty well at the moment and it’s mainly through the exploitation of our access to EU markets’

‘That’s all very well’ said the General ‘but those EU arseholes in Brussels are trying to convert us into a Continental European country when we’re a proudly British European country. The bread we bake, the sausages we produce and the sex we enjoy should all conform with the traditional British way of life like a sausage sandwich after sex’

‘The question is’ said His Lordship ‘what has David got to do to win next year’s election?’

‘Well if the EU is the big issue’ replied the General ‘Miliband and Clegg needn’t bother turning up. They’re the closest thing to Frogs you’ll ever find with a British passport’

‘The obvious policy for David’ said Sir Rah ‘is to guarantee a referendum on the EU in 2017 or earlier if possible’

‘I’d go further if I were him’ said the General ‘I’d be having a chat with Nigel about a joint ticket at the next election and unload Clegg before he proposes a free Calais-Dover ferry service for Rumanians and Bulgarians’

‘How many Tory MP’s’ asked Sir Rah ‘do you believe will defect to UKIP before the election now that Carswell is Nigel’s recruiting agent in the Commons?’

‘He’s only got to recruit David’ said the General ‘and the rest will follow’

‘It’s time I had a tactical word in David’s ear’ said His Lordship ‘he’s got a unique opportunity to stuff Miliband, Clegg and the Tory wets all at the same time through an alliance with UKIP’

‘By jove’ said the General ‘you’re right. Every so often it’s advisable to switch bordellos and jump in with a new set of bedfellows’

‘We have to keep in mind’ said Sir Rah ‘that withdrawing from the EU could mean no more cheap plonk and BMWs’

‘But it will also create the potential’ said the General ‘for a free ferry service for immigrants from Dover to Calais’

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About this Series
Located on the fashionable side of Pall Mall the Club is famous for counting some of the UK’s greatest political intellects among its members. Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera convene there regularly to create the brilliant insights which David relies on so much to keep the ship of state on course.

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