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Revenge is a Dish best served

Revenge is a Dish best served

Friday 4 November, 2016
Last week Cory and Eric joined Abbott in his secret bunker deep below North head at Manly to plot further avenging activities against Malcolm.
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Last week Cory and Eric joined Abbott in his secret bunker deep below North head at Manly to plot further avenging activities against Malcolm.

“I enjoyed your spat with Malcolm” remarked Cory “over the David Leyonhjelm issue”

“How could Malcolm seriously believe” asked Abbott incredulously “that I’d do a deal with Leyonhjelm to relax gun controls? That’s about as likely as me doing a deal with Richard Di Natale to increase coal exports”

“There’s been a lot of mumblings in the Party” advised Eric “about the need for you and Malcolm to kiss and make up and not descend into vicious guerrilla warfare like Kevin and Julia”

 

“The Party needs to consider” asserted Abbott “the awful consequences pending if I abandoned my campaign of vengeance against Malcolm”

 

“I can hardly bear to think of them” said Eric chillingly “there would be a gay marriage conscience vote in parliament before Christmas”

 

“Imagine the shock” warned Cory “if people arrived at church this Christmas for a festive service only to find there’s a gay wedding taking place”

 

“I just can’t stand by” said Abbott resolutely “and allow that sort of thing to happen”

 

“We’re with you Tony” vowed Eric ‘even if it leads to Bill Shorten being preferred as Prime Minister to Malcolm”

 

“Well if anything as ridiculous as that ever happened” affirmed Abbott “I shall of course immediately call for a leadership spill and send Malcolm packing to Point Piper”

 

“If you terminated your avenging” queried Eric “how long do you think it would take before Malcolm pulled on another referendum about a Republic and set a target of 100% reduction in carbon emissions by 2030?”

 

“About as long as it would take him to say ‘there will be no carbon tax under any government I lead’” replied Abbott “I’m desperately worried about the likelihood of him establishing an alliance with the Greens and banning all domestic heating while the temperature is above twenty degrees”

 

“Do you think” asked Cory “that Malcolm will try to curb your vengeance by appointing you to cabinet?”

 

“Of course” replied Abbott “actually I turn down two or three offers from him most weeks. But now he sees a ray of hope from the US Presidential election. He‘s hoping that if Trump loses he’ll appoint me to head up his campaign of vengeance against Hillary”

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About this Series
Abbott is on the outer studying the Gospel according to Kevin on how to wreak vengeance upon a Prime Minister who has spilt you to the backbench. He lurks in the shadows with his disciples desperately trying to figure out how to seize back The Lodge despite the having a preferred Prime Minister ranking slightly below that of a CFMEU activist.

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