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Dick Head Interviews

Rock Around The Block

Rock Around The Block

Friday 24 June, 2016
Dick Head, Friday Mash’s celebrated Canberra correspondent, takes a detour round the block with Nick Xenophon.
The story starts here...


The Dick Head Interview
With Nick Xenophon

Dick Head Reports on FridayMash

“Tell me Nick” said Dick “what are your main policies for this election?”

“I don’t have policies as such” responded Nick “I’m just concentrating on getting my campaign on the starting blocks”

“What sort of blocks do you have in mind?” asked Dick

“Well I’ll certainly be blocking Malcolm’s economic policies if he gets re-elected” replied Nick “and Bill’s if he doesn’t”

“You said recently” asserted Dick “you’re still hopeful of blocking the free trade agreements”

“I really did my block when they went through the Senate unblocked” explained Nick “thanks to that boof-headed blockbuster Clive”

“What is your main strategy for this election?” asked Dick

“I’m seeking a block vote” replied Nick

“Do you think your party has the experience to become a responsible force in parliament?” asked Dick

“Oh certainly” replied Nick “we’ve all been round the block a few times”

“Are you happy with Operation Sovereign Borders?” asked Dick

“Not really” replied Nick “but I find it difficult to block a blockade”

“What do you think of the way Malcolm’s been running the country?” asked Dick
“Well I think his government has been suffering from a policy block” replied Nick “and that’s mainly thanks to me”

“Do you intend to form an alliance in the Senate with Jacqui Lambie?” asked Dick

“Certainly” replied Nick “she’s one of the leading blockheads in parliament”

“What is your plan for South Australia?” asked Dick

“I intend to lift it out of the backblocks” replied Nick

“I hear you’re copping some grief about overcrowding in one of your blocks” remarked Dick

“Unfortunately I had a mental block about that” explained Nick

“So in your view” queried Dick “what is the way to unblock our current system of government?”

“Either voting me out of parliament” suggested Nick “ensuring I don’t hold the balance of power or applying a large can of Drano”

“What career do you believe you would have pursued” asked Dick “if you hadn’t gone into politics?”

The chances are” replied Nick ‘I’d have been a producer on the The Block”

Comments

About this Series
Dick’s outstanding career in political journalism owes much to recent advances in psychiatric treatment. In his role as a leading Canberra correspondent Dick enjoys an especially close rapport with all the leading politicians and the loony left because he’s met them all at the treatment centre.

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