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The Pudding Club Pontifications

The Role of Sex in National Affairs

The Role of Sex in National Affairs

Friday 9 January, 2015
This is a fascinating account of the discussion between eminent Club members on whether sexual athleticism should be recognised in the Queen’s Honours list.
The story starts here...

The Pudding Club section Friday

Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera decided to kick off the New Year with a celebratory lunch of roast beef, Yorkshire pudding and a really quite drinkable Chateau La Tour Haut-Brion.

‘I’m absolutely gutted’ said the General ‘that the Queen hasn’t gonged me again this year’

‘Damn shame old chap’ said His Lordship ‘but the trouble is you carry such a lot of baggage’

‘Well there was that one incident with her Lady in Waiting at a Palace Garden Party’ admitted the General ‘but it would have been unfair of me to keep her waiting any longer’

‘Nobody cares about a bit on the side’ said Sir Rah ‘but your bit was on the side of the Royal Arboretum’

‘But surely’ said the General ‘that shouldn’t detract from my outstanding military service to the nation’

‘Then there was also that incident’ said His Lordship ‘with the French attaché’s wife’

‘Well he was the cultural attaché’ said the General ‘and I’m very attracted to certain forms of French culture. It’s all so unfair. Spotted Dick Dangling has been made a Commander of something or other and he’s like a spare prick at a nudist camp roll call’

‘Wasn’t it you’ asked Sir Rah ‘who asked Fergie if she’d ever done it on horseback?’

‘I was only trying to make small talk’ said the General ‘Actually she told me she hadn’t but I didn’t want to get saddled with her’

‘Look’ said His Lordship ‘why don’t we develop a programme to get you gonged next year. First of all you’ll have to give up extra-marital sex’

‘That wouldn’t work’ said the General ‘my wife can’t stand having me round the house all day’

‘You’ll have to give up your Presidency of the Old Etonian Orgy Club’ said Sir Rah ‘no member has ever made the Queen’s Honours List’

‘I really can’t understand’ said the General ‘why there’s no recognition of the Club’s proud record of producing England’s leading sexual athletes. And surely my activities with war widows is an outstanding example of dedicated social work’

‘Unfortunately’ said His Lordship ‘the Queen doesn’t gong high-achieving libidos. Look if you’re really feeling neglected I’ll get David to appoint you Chairman of the Sex Discrimination Board’

‘Good idea’ said the General ‘and my first task will be to stop the Queen discriminating against me on the grounds of sex


About this Series
Located on the fashionable side of Pall Mall the Club is famous for counting some of the UK’s greatest political intellects among its members. Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera convene there regularly to create the brilliant insights which David relies on so much to keep the ship of state on course.

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