Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Same Old Difference

Same Old Difference

Friday 14 April, 2017
James believes that Pauline is desperately in need of a facelift but she believes all that’s required is keeping her chin up.
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James believes that Pauline is desperately in need of a facelift but she believes all that’s required is keeping her chin up.

 “I’ve come to the conclusion” announced James “that One Nation policies need a shake-up”

“But that’s ridiculous” retorted Pauline “ourmonocultural policies beat the multi variety every time”

“The trouble is” advised James “you’ve been warning Australians for some time that they’re about to be swamped by Asians and Muslims but now it turns out to beCyclone Debbie instead”

“My confidential sources have informed me” revealed Pauline “that it was actually called Cyclone Debbih and was a terror attack launched in the Middle East”

“It was more likely to be the swamp that Trump had cleared out of Washington” claimed James “The truth is that the Party is overdue for a change of direction. You’ve been spouting the same old stuff since Howard was PM”

“Frankly” declared Pauline defiantly “the more I stick to the same old policies the closer to greatness I become. Any fool can see that the Greens’ immigration policies are much more likely to produce a caliphate in Australia than mine”

“You could have a point there” conceded James “so perhaps it’s not the policies that need a facelift but you”

“You cannot be serious” protested Pauline “I still receive dozens of marriage proposals each week from populists all over the world”

“I know” agreed James “but it’s time you raised your sights. You need to be getting marriage proposals from the likes of James Packer”

“He’d be too big a gamble” pronounced Pauline

“And what’s more rangas went out of fashion with Julia” advised James “you need an image makeover as a busty blond”

“That would make me politically incorrect” asserted Pauline “My red hair is like a beacon on the hill for my supporters and breast implants are the last things I want to add to my war-chest”

“How about elocution lessons” suggested James “to make you sound more like Margaret Thatcher?”

“I tend to over-reach myself” confessed Pauline “if I use words of more than two syllables”

“I’ve got it” announced James triumphantly “you should actually marry one of those populists”

“I may support populist policies” argued Pauline “but my taste in men is much more main-stream”

“On the other hand” pointed out James “many women these days find that Botox is the way to a man’s heart”

“That may be true for the Housewives of Hollywood” allowed Pauline “but Tinder has a much better chance of lighting my fire”

 

 

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