Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Saving Australia From Politicians

Saving Australia From Politicians

Friday 20 January, 2017
Pauline and her Chief of Staff James meet to plot her 2017 path to the Prime Ministership.
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Pauline and her Chief of Staff James meet to plot her 2017 path to the Prime Ministership.

 “Seriously James” said Pauline earnestly “do you really believe there’s a chance I could become Prime Minister by the end of this year?”

“Of course” replied James “this time last year nobody gave Trump a Jacqui Lambie chance in a Miss Universe Pageant of becoming President and today your chance of becoming Prime Minister is about the same as Tony getting a place in Malcolm’s cabinet so there’s every reason to feel optimistic”

“But Trump’s so different from me” pointed out Pauline ‘he was able to use sexism and misogyny to such good effect against Hillary”

“Well” responded James “there’s nothing to stop you groping Malcolm”

“I’m very keen on taking up the cause of Brexit” announced Pauline

“You mean you‘re thinking of forming an alliance with Nigel Farage?” queried James

“No” asserted Pauline decisively “it means I’m going to launch a campaign in support of Brisbane declaring independence from Australia”

“Are you going to take up Trump’s invitation to attend his Inauguration?” asked James

“No I don’t think it would be fair” replied Pauline “because I’d be too much of a distraction”

“We’ll have to be fast on our feet in 2017” asserted James “ready to respond to any opportunity that arises”

“That’s why I’ve acquired the PaulinePower Jet Pack” announced Pauline “which can whisk me to any part of Australia in less time than it takes the ABC to eulogise about Trump’s inauguration”

“I’m worried by the quality of our senators in Canberra” remarked James “I don’t think any of them are even capable of organising a rort in their travel expenses”

“Yes but don’t forget that our policy of only selecting parliamentary candidates who are dumber than me” reminded Pauline “will forever rid us of the threat of destructive leadership wars like Kevin and Julia and Malcolm and Tony”

“So what are your key policies for 2017?” asked James

“Double the size of Operation Sovereign Borders” replied Pauline “demand Royal Commissions into whether immigration is the cause of racism in Australia and whether the ABC have got people smugglers on a retainer and demand that terrorists should be sentenced to a lifetime watching videos of Wayne Swan promising budget surpluses”

“Anything else?” enquired James

“Yes” replied Pauline “I must make absolutely sure that Trump is interested in me because of my policies rather than my sex appeal”

 

 

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