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The Second Coming of Malcolm

The Second Coming of Malcolm

Friday 13 March, 2015
On a wall in a Canberra Chinese restaurant when Luke and Rod, pro-Malcolm plotters in the Coalition, met to discuss tactics for a Turnbull comeback.
The story starts here...

Guy the FridayMash Superfly

“Have you seen the polls?” Asked Luke “Tony’s approval rating has gone up”

“I know” said Rod “how the hell did that happen? That’s totally screwed our plans for another spill this week”

“I think we should now aim for a Malcolm resurrection at Easter” said Luke “because bringing Tony to his knees could then be seen as a religious experience”

“I’m not sure that Malcolm is the resurrection type” said Rod “I see him as much more like Moses from the Turn-bullrushes who leads his people to the Promised Land”

“I see your point” said Luke “but it’s essential that anybody taking on the PM’s job at the moment at least gives the impression of a capacity for miracles”

“Are you thinking then” asked Rod “that we should be gearing Malcolm’s ascension more towards a Second Coming?”

“I think that’s got a lot of potential” said Luke “because the church hasn’t managed one yet so it gives us the opportunity to get in first with Malcolm”

“The only drawback I can see with that approach” said Rod “is that Malcolm was less than sensational in his first coming so the second one may not evoke spontaneous universal rejoicing”

“It all depends on Tony” said Luke “he can usually be relied on to make at least one major-stuff up a month so if we postpone Malcolm’s Second Coming till say June that would allow time for at least three or four more major howlers in the Philip Knighthood category by which time everyone will be more than ready to accept Malcolm as their Saviour”

“But Tony may not make it past the budget” said Ron

“That’s true” said Luke “however Bill Shorten announced an economic policy last week and it would only take a couple more like that to make the budget look like the Sermon on the Mount”

“Let’s firm up then on scheduling Malcolm’s Second Coming for June” said Rod “with the option to move it up if Tony does something really durr-brained like knighting Barry Humphries and making Edna Everidge a Dame”

“Should I start looking for a suitable manger for staging the event?” asked Luke

“Good idea” said Rod “and now I come to think of it we’ve got a real challenge on our hands finding Three Wise Men who are prepared to show a bit of enthusiasm”

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About this Series
Having stuck with a fly paper for many years Guy has become a celebrated political reporter through his unique ability to locate himself on the walls the prominent and powerful and listen in to their conversations. He is always careful to take with him a fly-spray early warning detector.

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