Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

The Oracle Of Omniscience comes up with a brilliant initiative to assuage the grief of Abbott supporters.

Self Improvement Programme

Self Improvement Programme

Friday 27 May, 2016
Malcolm takes on the virtually impossible challenge of trying to improve his own performance.
The story starts here...

Dial Triple O for Malcolm the Oracle

“Look” said Julie “I’m terribly worried about Malcolm. He’s becoming more like Tony every day”

“I know” said Scott “when he replaced Tony no-one expected that he’d be a clone”

“It’s very puzzling” said Julie thoughtfully “that everyone knows he’s in favour of an ETS, gay marriage, the Republic and being nicer to asylum seekers yet he’s sticking with Tony’s extreme right policies that were extremely wrong”

“The trouble is” said Scott analytically “that if he reveals his true feelings on these issues the extreme right in the party could go right off him”

“I know” said Julie knowingly “and only the other day I caught Tony reading Kevin’s confidential memoirs on how he undermined Julia by constantly referring to her as the First Bloke’s partner”

“I’m almost beginning to think” said Scott conspiratorially “that Malcolm is controlled by Lucy who’s acting on behalf of Peta Credlin

“We’ve got to take action” pronounced Julie “before Bill Shorten becomes so confident that he no longer has to rely on talking points from the ACTU”

“I know” said Scott “let’s dial Triple O for Malcolm the Oracle Of Omniscience. He’ll know what to do”

Not half an hour later Malcolm trotted in from his office down the corridor.

“We’re terribly worried about the Prime Minister” said Julie

“He seems ok to me” said Malcolm

“The trouble is” explained Scott “he surfed to office on a wave of popularity but now the tide of public opinion has turned’

“Bill Shorten is calling him the rich man’s Tony Abbott” warned Julie “which is almost as bad as the poor man’s Clive Palmer”

“One moment” said Malcolm “I’m just switching my Omniscience to full power and should have an inspiration any……….yes here it is”

“Well what is it?” asked Scott

“During the election campaign” announced Malcolm “I should promise to appoint Tony Minister for the Environment”

“What” cried Julie “that would be like making Sarah Hanson Young Minister for Immigration”

“I know” said Malcolm “he’d make such a pea-brained pig’s ear of the job that everyone would be so thrilled when I fired him that they wouldn’t raise a murmur when I introduced an ETS and declared a Republic”

“What about the economy?” asked Scott

“We might even be able to introduce a few things that could actually produce a surplus” said Malcolm ‘like doctor co-payments”


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