Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

P E Doff Between Drinks

Sinners Can Be Winners

Sinners Can Be Winners

Friday 11 November, 2016
In his first exclusive post-election interview Trump reveals to Friday Mash’s US correspondent PE Doff that his defeat of Hillary has saved America from becoming dependent on handouts from the Clinton Foundation.
The story starts here...

“Well Donald” began PE “were you surprised that you beat Hillary?”

“Of course not” responded Trump “I told everyone the election was rigged but I didn’t say in whose favour”

“What are your first reactions to this historic victory?” asked PE

“I’ve decided to be unexpectedly munificent” announced Trump “I’m going to provide all illegal immigrants with a free trip home and instead of sending Hillary to prison I’ve decide to sentence her to two years community service in the health sector with responsibility for dismantling Obamacare”

“How will you treat the Obama legacy?” asked PE

“Like any relative that’s been bequeathed a twenty trillion dollar debt” responded Obama “bury it”

“What was the absolutely critical factor” asked PE “in the defeat of Hillary?”

“I persuaded Anthony Weiner” asserted Trump “to start sexting Hillary and send copies to James Comey”

“The experts still can’t understand how you won” declared PE “because women were against you as well as Hispanics, African Americans, Muslims, people who have had an education and the Republican Party”

“I had overwhelming support however” explained Trump “from sexual athletes anonymous, filthy collar workers, Hillary haters, people groping in the dark because they can’t afford electricity and the All Politicians are Wankers Movement”

“How exactly are you going to make America Great Again?” asked PE

“By replacing political correctness with Trump correctness” replied Trump decisively “All sensible white Americans will be Trump correct and will express continuous moral outrage about gays, foreigners, feminists and loony lefties”

“How on earth” demanded PE “are you going to get Mexico to pay for the wall”

“By establishing a wall building company in Mexico” replied Trump “that will create millions of jobs and reduce their unemployment by so much they’ll be delighted to pay for it”

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About this Series
P.E is renowned in US journalism circles for being as garrulous and querulous as he is bibulous. He has binged his way to the very top of his profession and much to everyone’s astonishment he hasn’t yet fallen off. He has willed his body to the Alcohol Research Institute.

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