Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

A Special Message from the Prime Minister

A Special Message from the Prime Minister

Friday 24 June, 2016
Only eight days left to work yourself up into the level of frenzied political passion that will motivate you to vote.
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The Malcolm and Bill Show

A Special Message from the Prime Minister

I should like to start by reminding you that the main reason to return me as your Prime Minister at this election is that Bill Shorten is a complete douchebag.

You can’t help but laugh at his proposed pathway to a budget surplus through four years of deficits that are beyond even Julia’s wildest Gonski spending fantasies. Trusting the Labor Party to return to responsible economic management after going financially feral for four years is like expecting a bankrupt to lead the Reserve Bank down a path of fiscal rectitude following a four year chronic gambling problem.

There’s less chance of Labor ever delivering another budget surplus than Tony Abbott being appointed political editor at the ABC.

Now that the Labor Party has decreed that volunteer firefighters should join a union no-one is safe. If Shorten ever became Prime Minister the CFMEU would be empowered to treat the Australian Government just like it does a construction company.

I like to think of myself as the Great Protector. I am protecting Australians from people smugglers, the union movement, bank bashing, Clive, George Pell, the Greens, Islamic radicals by any other name and most importantly Tony Abbott.

And just think what would happen if Rob Oakeshott and the Greens heaven forbid ever held the balance of power. Carbon would be $150 a tonne at least under any government they lead and Julia would be appointed to lead the Unsafe Schools Programme.

You can expect Shorten to make so many irresponsible spending promises during the last days of the campaign that his Spendometer will have to go in for a $50 billion service.

Meanwhile Lucy and I have not allowed the election campaign to deflect us from things that really matter to all Australians like redecorating The Lodge and not mentioning gay marriage during dinner conversation with Muslims.

Please join me in this historic campaign to maintain our precious Australian democracy by ensuring that Jacqui, Ricky and the Brick with Eyes are booted out of the Senate and we’re not all forced into a union with Bill Shorten.


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