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UK Election CamPAIN 2015

Stop The Election I Want to get Off

Stop The Election I Want to get Off

Friday 17 April, 2015
Our UK correspondent Tori Banger is sensing unease amongst the British public about whether this election is a good idea.
The story starts here...

UK Election CamPAIN 2015

The onset of an election normally brings new hope to a large percentage of the population that things could actually get better. The only current sign of this is in Scotland.

There is even a growing suspicion that the election could be the climax of devilishly cunning Scottish plan.

The independence referendum could merely have been an opening ploy in the pursuit of a longer-term goal. The real game seems to have been grabbing the balance of power in Westminster and running the whole country. Despite the fact that the referendum proposal fell well short of universal support it looks like the SNP might clean up all the Scottish seats at this election. It all looks extremely fishy.

There seems little doubt at this point that the SNP will be in a position to dictate who wields power in Westminster. In that case they’ll do a deal with Miliband because there’s no appreciation in Scotland of Old Etonians being born to rule.

Miliband is so desperate to get into No 10 that he’ll agree to anything to get a deal with the SNP even if it means having to give them more responsibility for running the country than the unions.

A nation faced with the prospect of an election that will thrust upon them a Miliband prime ministership controlled from Scotland is entitled to be wondering if it’s a good idea.

The Westminster System could be supplanted by the Holyrood System.

England, Wales and Northern Ireland could be called upon to improve living standards in Scotland by funding a national on-line central heating system.

All the super-rich French moguls who fled to the London to escape their terribly taxing problems with the Hollande administration would have to become financial ferals in Greece or Italy where tax is a four-letter word.

There is grave concern that having to start enduring weekly meetings with Miliband at the age of eighty-eight might prove all too much for the Queen who finds it quite difficult to converse with prime ministers who haven’t attended Eton.

Hopefully decisive action can be taken before this election leads to something that totally undermines England like a Scottish victory at Twickenham.

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About this Series
Tori Banger, Friday Mash’s UK political correspondent, will be providing coverage of the UK election in her own inimitably seductive style

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