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Sub Standard Policies

Sub Standard Policies

Friday 29 May, 2015
Think Tank members help Jacqui overcome a crisis of confidence caused by the shock of finding the Abbott’s budget policies are more popular than her own
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Jacqui Lambie Think Tank masthead

Nazel Hare, Randy Mayle and Prof Penny Wise assembled at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston for what they knew would be a torrid session advising Jacqui on how to cope with the popularity of the budget.

“It’s an absolute disgrace” said Nazel “I can’t believe how Abbott and Hockey have deceived people into believing the budget is any fairer than their last one when they attempted to force all doctors to become tax collectors”

“I know” said Jacqui “but it puts me in an extremely difficult position. People will expect me to vote for it in the Senate”

“The budget is particularly harsh on stay-at-home non-working women” said Penny

“I can compensate for that” said Randy ‘by increasing my programme of in-home servicing”

“I’m absolutely disgusted” said Jacqui “that rich people are allowed to keep their superannuation”

“That’s because most of them are politicians” said Randy

“You know I almost think I should support the budget” said Jacqui “because it’s good for small business and working mothers, doesn’t penalise Tasmania for not having an economy and doesn’t include a financial crisis”

“There you go again Jacqui” said Nazel “toying with the idea of supporting Abbott. If you stop arseholing Abbott the Jacqui Lambie Network will be left without any credible mainstream policies apart from blaming climate change on the weather and the Greens”

“That’s true” said Jacqui “but what can I do? Besides I have a bit of a thing for Joe. He’s no good at budgets but he’s kind of sexy in an economic sort of way”

“Well he’s certainly got an attractive package for working women” said Randy

“What you need Jacqui” said Penny “is some new breakthrough economic policies”

“I’ve got one” said Nazel “the government shouldn’t build those new submarines in Adelaide or Japan, they should build them right here in Tasmania”

“There’s just one slight problem” said Jacqui ‘we haven’t got any shipyards”

“You don’t need shipyards to build submarines” said Nazel “because it’s all done underwater”

“I’d forgotten that” said Jacqui “I’ll launch the policy next week in the Senate.

Anything else?”

“Yes” said Penny “the government should subsidise package holidays to Antarctica so people can spend a few weeks there watching the ice melting”

“Great idea” said Jacqui “and they can call in here on the way down to watch the trees growing. The Greens would love that idea as well”

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About this Series
Friday Mash has gained exclusive access to the intellectual powerhouse behind the Lambie political phenomenon. Jacqui has assembled a Think Tank comprising the best minds in Tasmania. Nazel Hare is Jacqui’s campaign manager and President of the Lambie for PM Movement, Randy Mayle is the leader of the Tasmanics a star-studded group of star studs and Professor Penny Wise is the Head of Business Studies at Burnie University. The Think Tank meets regularly at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston and Friday Mash will bring you regular reports of their intellectual discourse.

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