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Taking It In Turns

Taking It In Turns

Friday 9 October, 2015
Guy the Friday Mash Superfly was on a wall down a Parliament House corridor when Malcolm tapped Tony on the shoulder. Only now do the editorial board consider the situation has calmed sufficiently to release Guy’s explosive account of their momentous exchange.
The story starts here...

Guy the FridayMash Superfly

“Look Tony” said Malcolm “you’re running the country like a correctional facility. You were warned if February about the need to pull your finger out but it’s still stuck firmly up there’

“Get stuffed Malcolm” riposted Tony “I spend every day bringing good government to all Australians even undeserving arseholes like you. If you don’t stop crapping on about my competence I’ll reassign your job to someone more appreciative of my peerless prime ministership”

“That does it” said Malcolm “I’m resigning and calling a spill before you lose fifty Newspolls in a row and succeed in propelling Bill Shorten into the Lodge when he should be the Principal at the CFMEU brainwashing centre”

“Bring it on” said Tony defiantly “the forces of the extreme right led by me, Julie, Joe and Scott will always prevail over limp-wristed liberals like you”

“Then you’ll be fascinated to learn” said Malcolm “that Julie still finds me irresistible, I’ve promised Joe the ambassador’s gig in the US with an increased entertainment budget and Scott’s only going to vote for you because he knows you’re going to lose”

“I can’t believe you could be so disloyal” said Tony “after all I’ve done to save the country from Kevin, Julia and you”

“Look Tony” said Malcolm soothingly “it’s true that only a pig-headed PM like you could possibly have canned the carbon tax and stopped the boats.

Unfortunately however that also applies to the knighting of Prince Philip and daylight between us and the Labor Party in the latest Newspoll. The only policy the Labor Party is taking into the next election is terminating you”

“Ok you’ve asked for it” shouted Tony “I’ll bring on the spill motion tonight so you won’t have to wait long for the news that your political future will be strictly limited to appearances on Q&A and the Drum”

“Oh by the way’ said Malcolm “I’d appreciate it if you could clear your stuff out of the PM’s office by tomorrow afternoon”

“Your contemptible treachery” said Tony “will reduce the Coalition to the same rebellious rabble as the Labor Party”

“On the contrary” said Malcom ‘by taking this action that’s exactly what I shall avoid’

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About this Series
Having stuck with a fly paper for many years Guy has become a celebrated political reporter through his unique ability to locate himself on the walls the prominent and powerful and listen in to their conversations. He is always careful to take with him a fly-spray early warning detector.

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